MaterialGirl Moved.

My BabyBoo is one year older!

2010-06-03T00:59:00.000-07:00

Hahah~! On this very day 18 years back. A lady was in the labour room giving birth to this baby boy. And 18 years later, he becomes my boyfriend!

Aaron Chang, Happy Birthday! I Love You BabyBoo! :) You're now 'legal' ! But still, under my dictionary, you're not 'legal' for certain things and never will be! HMPH! :P

BabyBoo, I'm sorry I can't be with you on your special day. But hey, we'll be spending tomorrow together won't we? :) Hehehe~! *hugs and kisses*

Go home early today so that I can see your sweet little face alright? heheh~! Am missing you so much as I sit at my desk staring at the computer. Hehehe~! Was planning to send you an MMS... but remembered your phone battery is out!

You make me miss you more when I can't text you! :( *Am waiting for you!*

Alright. I'll end here k? :D

Again,

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY BABYBOO! YOU'RE ONE IN A MILLION! <3

My new baby :)

2010-06-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

Heheh~! Came to office with a gloomy face & a gloomy mood! But when I open facebook, I saw this thing... 'Dedicated to AfinaKong' by Hilary! Yes... Hilary Tee! How many Hilary(s) do I know??? =.=
Check this out ! Click HERE :)) I had a mini crying session after reading it! Hahaha~!
And oh oh oh~! Check this out too ! MY HONEY !

Yup, she is my love~! I bet both our sites have every tiny meenie details of how our love for each other bloom into an awesome friendship! An awesome bond and one that is fille with lovely memories. :)

*Sorry dear I'm unable to be modelling co. with you! But hey, I can pop by and crash your room! heheh! Or during weekends, you can come over to my place and crash! Then we can gossip, chit chat, shop, do nails and everything together! I heart you! :) Tell me if anyone bullies you... INCLUDING ANDREW! I fly down to INTI and help you whack them k? Iloveyou!

New Blog Skin!

2010-05-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I said I want to make my own skin with pictures and all... but hey! It is difficult alright. I need time.

Anyways, was browing through the website and saw this skin whch caught my attention! Simple and lovely. Its so simple that when I look at it, I feel calm.

Hope you guys feel the same way too!

BabyBoo, what do you think? Better? Or do you prefer the previous one? :) <3 you!

The semi-koreanized me :X

2010-05-31T16:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, so as you guys know, BabyBoo had been trying his very best to get me Koreanized :X But it wasn't realy successful until he left this song playing on my lappy!

And there you have... the semi-koreanized me! But hey... my love and passion for classics is still here alright! LoLxXx! Anyways, enjoy it. :) If you haven't hear it yet, please do. If you've heard it, then please tell me you like it! :)

Big Bang - Tell Me Goodbye

Thats all for now. BabyBoo, you must be smiling to yourself right now during any of your lab classes. Then yay for me! :) I made your day! Hehehe! <3 you loads!

Missing you.

2010-05-30T23:29:00.000-07:00

BabyBoo. I'm sitting at my desk and staring at the computer waiting for your reply every moment. Its Monday now. :) 3 more days to go.

Its gonna be the first time we're celebrating something together. Be it your birthday or mine. I have the sudden urge to write everything. From how vake my memories are about how we met till we became together. It'll be kind of a long list. But baby, you and I know its more than just that.

Days ago, we were sitting face to face and I barely dare look into your eyes. I've been hiding alot from you. And right at the moment when I said what I was to said, those fears turned into comfort and then worries. I was indeed very much afraid when I was about to tell you the truth. But right after I told you, I felt a sense of relieve. But it was soon taken over by worries. I was worried about how you may react and all.

But baby, like always... you never fail to make me feel better about myself. The past is past. You took it up and was willing to take me into your life as who I am and not who I was. I burried my head in your chest and felt your heart beat. You hugged me round my waist and call me 'silly'. Is that how love is? Simple words and simple actions make the world go round?

You erased my past in you and we started new. What more can I ask for? Nothing. Cause you are now basically my everything.

I miss your hugs right now. As I look as our pictures, I really wish that you were right here with me hugging me. I like it when your arms are around me. I like it when all fails but you never fail to be right beside me. I like it when our lips touch and you send shivers up my spine.

But above all. I love you. Loving you for you. Loving you because I love you. Aquarius and Gemini. How true are those? We'll find out. Baby, thank you for everything. As long as you are around, nothing can bring me down. Cause I know, when I fall, someone's waiting for me to get back up on my feet.

Princess fantasy huh? LoLxXx~! You just helped me found mine :) ILYBabyBoo

p.s. Please click here and show some support :) *done as promised :)

BFF? BULLSHIT!

2010-05-30T11:21:00.000-07:00

Years ago, the phrase 'Best Friends Forever (BFF)' is very commonly used. Then one day. A childhood friend of mine and forever 'protector' a.k.a WahLung, said this 'BFF, BS!' Which actually means BFF, BullShit! :)

I disagreed. I always thought best friends remained as it is. Close friends get closer. Good friends gets better. But I was wrong. I guess I'm never right. I'm a pathetic naive one that always think, as long as I give others my heart, they'll treat me as a one true friend. But guess it never happens.

This girl, or rather my good friend of mine has proven me wrong - maybe I'm the only one taking her as a good friend all along. She told my Babi to be careful of me. I wasn't mad at all. But in fact, I was upset and disappointed. Have I not done my part as a friend? Have I not lived my part as human? Yes, calling each other 'bitches' and 'whores' are normal when you say it out of fun and love. But when you say it to hurt someone, it actually does hurt.

Lies. What are lies? Words spoken and changed? Or words spoken that aren't true from heart yet seen physically? Or word spoken by heart but different from what seen? Someone define lies for me. Define something that I really wonder.

BFF? No more. I only have a few in heart from now on. And thats the way its gonna be. Friend after friend. One after another. Is it always that fun to bring someone down when they are getting up? Has anyone ever felt tired and sick of explaining and just wanna leave the world and say 'FCUK OFF MY BLOODY LIFE AND LET ME LIVE'? Well, I'm about there. But I'm going to do it the proper way. I'm not going to ignore your comments. I'm going to remember it. I'm going to remember every word you say bout me. Being a bitch. Not being a true girlfriend. Not being a true friend. Not being anything I already was. I'll take it. Cause then, I know, you're the past.

I was once your friend. Your girlfriend. Your sister. Your mate. But now, YOU'RE LONG GONE DEAD IN ME.

BabyBoo, Hilary, Carmen, WahLung, XiuWen, Shaarmen, Andrew, Desiree, Danah, Shana, Guannie, LiWei, Faris, Ronald and MissNur. A short list of all friends I have. Of course, my ENL 101 classmates, Joshua, KC, Seth and Rebecca. Funny huh? Girl like me who knows hundreds of people but I sum down to these few. These are people I bury in heart for good reasons.

Others, you are my friends. But frenemy or true friend? You sort it out and let me know. But if you're not near me for a simple reason that is to be my friend. Just please, leave my life quietly. And never return.

And especially you dear friend. I would rather not sit behind you ever since the first day of school and never had any conversations with you. For now, I find you a waste of my time and tears. You just showed me, that you are one in those millions that is waiting for me to collapse. I won't. And it'll never work.

And for you, stop bitching bout me. Without me, you won't even be known by more than 70% of the people you have around you now. Those are my friends. Trying to brainwash them or anything? Not working. It'll come to me. And I have my ways. That is to defend you from getting to me.

Thanks BabyBoo and Carmen for calming me tonight :) ILoveYouBoth!

BabyBoo... you're right. I should start a whole new phase of life. Those people are long gone dead in me :) heart you always!

BabyBoo & Camwhoring

2010-05-29T19:23:00.000-07:00

Heheheh~! Yes. Lately, I'm into camwhoring. Come on, what else can I do apart from camwhoring, sleeping and eating? LoLxXx~! Anyways, I made BabyBoo camwhored with me too! I know it should be 'beau' not 'boo'. I ain't a bimbo aite. Just that 'Boo' looks 'much comfortable and closer' rather than 'being a classic girl'... Anyways, enjoy the pictures! Its only a few. BabyBoo won't let me upload more. :P

A little picture message to BabyBoo while I was in Melaka. See that smile? It means happiness. :)

Its not just another love story. Its love in reality.

Yes. Ugly face. But come on... I like it :P

Yup! You have it. I love my BabyBoo :) And not because you accept me for who I am. Aite BabyBoo? :)

And oh! Yeah... I kindda change it from MaterialGirl to FamilyPrincess. :) Cause BabyBoo thinks I'm a princess and I am my parent's princess. I basically get whatever I want from all my aunts and uncles. So I guess that pretty much explains the FamilyPrincess :)

P.S... I really love it when BabyBoo hugs me.

And oh P.SSSS!! To those girls that add him on Facebook. If he rejects, don't 'thick skin' and try your luck by adding him again! It doesn't work on him :)

ILoveYouBabyBoo! <3

My love for Hilary grown! :)

2010-05-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

Click here!
It is actually Hilary's blog. It brought tears to my eyes! Miss her more after reading her blog.

Have I not detaily talked about her yet? Let me talk about it now alright. We knew each other through this O'Night competition. During the first few trainings, we didn't really talked much. Simple reason, she speaks in Mandarin whereas my Mandarin is plain horrible. So yeah. But after awhile in INTI, I started picking up my Mandarin again. And I started talk to her since our 'Participant Camp' in about late February. :) At that point of time, we weren't that close either. Till... somewhat near the competition, we both were always mugging during trainings. Stressed over books. We started our 'hugging culture' and that was when another friendship bond was tied.

To many of you who have been following me for years, you must think... 'Its just another friendship since I'm so friendly and all.' Hey! Hold that thought for a moment. People I blog about are people I find worth my time and concern. And Hilary turns out to be one of them! In fact, among all females in INTI, I find her the one I'm always wanting to protect. Cause I've seen her smile, her tears and her one true side of her.

Darling, I'm sorry I left without a word. But I will always get your back! And next week, when we go shopping, we will camwhore more aites! hehehe~! I Love You Dear <3

Finally, make sure you guys stay tuned for the upcoming 'Couple's Day SHOPPING of Hilary&Andrew together with Afina&Aaron!' Yup! With girlfriends who doesn't leave our boyfriends like Hilary and I, brings our boyfriends along even when shopping. And with great love between two girlfriends, we never ditch one another for boyfriends. So the perfect solution, double date shopping!

p/s... Jealous? Pick the right friend and one that is true. & pick a boyfriend who loves you. :).. Also, Carmen Au, you're still in me! Jealousy is not for you! Cause we're still heading on our photography trip! Maybe Hilary and Andrew can be our models! While Aaron is my ever-loving-supporter-to-remind-me-to-eat-and-drink! That way, my two babies (Carmen and Hilary) are connected and the boyfriends won't be left out and so, leaving me to be the happiest woman on Earth!

Aaron Chang, Carmen Au and Hilary Tee completes me as a person. :)

INTI & a tiny message for the 4 love birds. :)

2010-05-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

I went back to INTI Nilai for a mini catwalk session with my lovely babes there! I won't say much. But will do a little 'explanation' in between pictures. Hehehe! Before you move on, let me clarify something. I was wearing a 'Baju Kurong' because it was my costume and not because I'm a Malay. Second, I may look like one because my late great grandma was a Malay. Finally, I do agree if you think I look like a 'Kampung Girl' in English, 'Country Girl' ... doesn't make much sense in English. Anyways, enjoy the pictures! The others are on my Facebook! So, want to view more, search & add me on Facebook @ afina.wong@hotmail.com or by name: Afina Kong.

I did mention I look like a malay girl, didn't I?

Call me a retard if it pleases you. But I'm not one.

I have no idea what was I thinking. But I'm loving the attention from the camera more as days pass. :)

This is Hilary, the one girl who get my attention so much I sometimes wish to keep her by my side so that I can look out for her. Try hurting her and you're messing with me!

Alright, from the ones standing (left to right) : Shaarmen, Ali, Hilary and her boyfriend, Andrew

Those sitting (girls from left to right) : Bobby, Iverine and I, Afina

Guys sitting from left to right : Jason, Usman, Iverine's boyfriend, Cyprian and Pang yean

The couples last night (from left to right) : Cyprian Lee and Iverine Saw; Aaron Chang and Afina Kong; Andrew Fong and Hilary Tee

Don't we look happy to you? I like it so much I can stare at these pictures for the whole night!

This is the best 'couple-group shot'! Look at the guys faces! It tells me that they say, 'I love you and will never let you off easily from the day I held you in my arm!'

I know Iverine is smiling inside! We'll get one nicer one when you recover alright Iverine! ILY! Hilary, hold on to that hug tightly! Never let it go easily. And you should know why.

Jealous much? heheheh! Don't be. Cause everyone will get their happiness one day. It doesn't come to you. So grab it and don't let go. Don't just stare and wait!

Told you she's happy. :) Iverine mummy, I'll wait for your smile as long as it takes! Now don't you dare try stressing yourself out anymore! ILoveYou!

I seriously don't know to drag Cyprian to be my 'Dad' or to make Iverine 'upgrade' and be my 'grandma'... hmm.. brothers and sisters, any idea? LoLxXx!

Now this is my own happiness. One which I don't wish to let go. And hopefully he won't too. One which I've worked hard on. He is mine now. :)

Yup! He is definately mine! Don't any of you dare tearing us apart! Cause it woudn't work! If it does, its either I don't love him enough or the other way round. But trust me, our relationship is more than just the word 'love' and its more than just saying 'I love you' every second we're together.

Thank you baby for going all the way to INTI with me though you were really tired and had class at 8am the following day (which is today) and you woke up late cause we went home too late and I didn't wake you up this morning. Sorry. :( Am I forgiven? I am right? :P

Anyways, there's something which I would like to say to those who wants to tear couples apart because you want to be with either the girl or the guy. I was reading Andrew's blog and I saw , him stating that ever since he and Hilary changed their relationship status in Facebook to 'Single', people started approaching them. These people, grow up! Do you think you're filming a drama whereby you can just approach and win someone's heart right after he or her breaks up because you console them when their down? Take a break and move on! If you ever win them that way, you're winning him or her physically. But you'll never win his or her heart.

Andrew and my lovely Hilary, no more fights and arguement alright. Work things out step by step! I love seeing you both together! <3

Cyprian and Iverine. Cherish while you still can alright. And Cyprian. Control your temper. Don't scare Iverine! I MEAN IT!

Done done with today's post. Wanna end it by saying, cherish not only the one you're with but also those who are around you. You may be there for someone all the time and forget that there's someone out here watching you. Cherish that 'someone out there'. Cause you'll never know what he've done. Friends don't bail out on friends. Don't declare someone you're best friend for the sake of it. Don't give declaration unless you mean it. Yet, declaration isn't that important because a true friend is not based on declaration. But a true friend is a friend who will be by you when you're at the top of the mountain or 100m beneathe the ocean; or when you're feeling happy or sad, glad or mad.

Aaron Chang isn't just my boyfriend but he is my only best friend.

So, which are you? True friend or just a regular friend? Close friend or good friend? Worst, friend or foe?

Loves, keep following me readers! <3

I'm Sorry.

2010-05-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

Hubby, I'm sorry for making you worried the whole night. 55 miss calls :( Sorry. I promise there won't be a next time alright. I'll on my phone immediately after I plug in the charger so that you can contact me aites.

But hubby, knowing that you couldn't sleep because you were too worried makes me happy. Knowing that you didn't give up calling make me smile in heart. Knowing that you drove all the way to my house at 12.45a.m. just to see if I'm alright makes me proud. Happy to know your love is true. Smile in heart to know that you worry for me. Proud to have you as my boyfriend.

Give me one wish and it'll be for you to stay by me forever. I know there are times when you really doubt me when I go to the States. Please don't. And if possible, never leave me stranded alone. I know for you to just judge me as who I am is sometimes hard to do so. But you should know me by now-in heart. And not generalize me with others.

I'm sorry for making you worried at times. I'm sorry I show attitude. I'm sorry I'm fussy. I'm sorry I'm difficult to satisfy. I'm sorry I'm little miss troublemaker. I'm sorry for every flaws I have. But one thing I'm never sorry for is that I love you.

We both won't know what the future holds. And most importantly, we won't know what will happen to us. But one thing for sure that you should know is that, no matter what happens or what the future holds, I'm not letting you go easily.

I plan while you don't. I'm fussy while you're not. We're opposite at things, but we're the same at one; which is the love for each other. ILoveYou!

p/s... I want my bubble tea tonight. No more asking for less ice! I'm fully recovered! & we're getting it together tonight! In case you cheat :X

Cherish while we still can.

2010-05-23T23:17:00.000-07:00

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her knowwhat I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away thechopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out whathad happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which statedthat she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually akind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal alife as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me.

But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummyin his arms.

His words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son aboutthe divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;it was just like our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs.

Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

How do you feel after reading it? Sad? Happy? Neutral? Angry? Lolx~! I found it when I was blog hopping as usual. And I find it really meaningful. Many a time, we just look past the tiny details in our lives. And when we start realizing it, its a little too late. Cherish what we have. Never do things that'll make you regret. Especially things that'll hurt both you and your loved ones.

Love you hubby~! <3

Babe Desi

2010-05-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DESI!!!
Today, its my dearest Desi's birthday.Sorry dear I couldn't make it back to Singapore to celebrate it with you. But I promise a surprise in June alright! I love you so much!!! Take good care of yourself and have a blast aite. And remember, though you're 17, you're still NOT LEGAL! :P

Whe I get back like ermmmm 4 years later, we shall go clubbing and all together k? For now, be a good girl and focus! You know I never fail to surprise you :)

Anyways, I still thank God I have a friend like you. From 'hating' each other to being the closest thing ever... heheheh~! I'll never forget those times. You were a great friend. Though a little here and there, frikle-minded, and all... thats what makes you who you are. So, never change yourself for anyone. Be yourself. Be happy. Love you dear.

Some unglam pics for you. As a present for now. :D You should know I love your unglam moments. :D heheh~! <3 Happy birthday dear.

Did I mention unglam? I guess I did :D take care love.

Proud Friend. Especially for Carmen Au.

2010-05-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

I take pride in all my friend's work. And I do praise for every accomplishment. Just when college started in about April or so, my closest/best-est friend a.k.a. Babi a.k.a. Carmen Au, really had issues with sketching and all. She wasn't much of an art student. And I do remember the first time seeing her sketch, I kept nagging. (Yes, I know no one has ever seen me sketch. But that doesn't mean I don't)

Anyways, Carmen gave me the best surprise today. The moment I said 'hi' to her on MSN, the picture below was what she sent me. I feel really proud. EXTREMELY PROUD. Come on, the first time I saw her sketch, she took hours to sketch three planks okay!!! And today, she presented this!!! I am proud of her! Though I envy her of being able to get into design school. But I know she will make use of every moment as long as she is still in there! I know she will do her very best! I know she will do whatever it takes to be the architect was born to be!

Carmen, stay tough and keep on working hard! Never give up. Never back down. Shyt comes in your way every now and then. But if you stay tough and keep going, it'll be worth it in the end.

I'll always love you dear. Am always here for you no matter where I am. :) HEART! <3

Back Home.

2010-05-23T05:49:00.000-07:00

Nothing feels better than home~! hahaha! I know, to most of you who have been reading my blog ever since I had it, you must think... 'Yeah, I'm saying this for the sake of saying it'. Hey, people change alright! And home might be hell for me years ago. Having a mum who doesn't understand me and all. But things started to get better. And nothing feels better than being on my own bed in my own home resting and reading my favourite novel while my family laughs away at the TV show they're watching or waking up on early weekends with my sister and parents finds us rolling in their bed disturbing them. Heheh!

Anyways, on friday night (like really really late night about 11 plus), Mum came in and told me that we were heading for Malacca the next day after my TOEFL exam! So yeah. On Saturday morning, went for TOEFL which was kindda okay but kindda I-don't-know then walked over to KLCC to meet Mum. FYI, there was this hot amazing guy that took TOEFL too~! He was Korean. But his English is wayyyy better than most Malaysians who are wanna-be(s)! He was natural, fluent and if he was a little fatter, he is a perfect boyfriend candidate! Hahahah~! Back to the story... I was having gastric due to zero breakfast that morning. And as I walked over to KLCC, I swore I could have fainted due to hunger! :X *I know. I sound like one hungry monster.* So I met Mum and my sister at Burger King and I had Chicken Deluxe as my breakfast. I didn't finish it though. Too hungry. Gastric effect. hahah~!

Aunt Sherene came and meet us then we headed to Dad's office to pick him up then back home to pick up granny and god-grandma. Then off we went! hehe! I liked it this time at Jonker Street. Was walking with Sis, Mum and Dad. Dad was like paying for everything Sis and I spotted and loved. Hahaha~ We picked out family chopsticks. Those that had our family name on it. And sis and I got a phone strap with our Chinese Zodiac sign and family name on it. :) Dad was hunting for paternal granny's favourite pastry. Unfortunately, wasn't in luck. We just got a pack. :( But I guess granny would be happy after seeing it though. Heheheh~!

And oh oh oh!! We had Mutton Soup for dinner which is marvellous! Haven't tasted such tender mutton before. Heheheh~! Anyways, the whole trip was kindda focused on me. Mum kept asking me what to eat cause she said since I was leaving for the States, I should eat as much as I can. :) Thanks Mummy. :D

And today, they accompanied me eat my favourite Chicken Rice Balls - I do know it sounds wrong! Shhhhhuuuuuusssshhh~! And after which, we headed back to KL~! And the first thing we did, was to head to the ermmm... what do you call that? Shops that sells gold??? hmmm? *Sorry, brain ain't working today.* Anyways, there, my sister got her ears pierced and mum wanted to get me a white gold ring with a diamond on it since I didn't get a necklace like sis did. But I didn't. Instead, granny took out something worth more than anything else. She took out this gold ring that has a tiny diamond on it with a 'missing piece'. She said if she fix it, I could wear it. So yeah. The person there placed a pearl on it and now, it looks perfectly beautiful. And I promise to wear it. Mum said I'm a good girl today for not spending any money. In fact, ever since I submitted my application, I haven't really spent any money. :) *Bravo Fina!* :)

Then Mum went to get a new microwave, then picked up my lovely dog from the pets hotel then went for dinner. And now, after blogging, I'm gonna read my novel which Mum bought me and which I love alot! (I didn't wanna buy it when I saw it cause it was too expensive. But mum got it! Thank you Mummy.)

So, thats all. Love you all! :)

My Days...

2010-05-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

Ok.. I know I promised pictures for yesterday. But I was too busy preparing for my TOEFL exams which is like TODAY!!! Anyways, I'm currently blogging using my god-grandma's handphone cause I'M IN MELAKA! Its more of a last minute plan. So I won't elaborate much here! ITS REALLY HARD BLOGGING USING HER PHONE! More updates when I get back aites? HUBBY, I KNOW YOU'LL READ THIS. WANNA SAY I'M SORRY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO GO ONLINE TONIGHT. I LOVE YOU :) Have fun at Simon's place. Not too drunk k! Muax! Miss you!

Moved

2010-05-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

Hi people~! Changed my link! Please relink me @ http://family-princess.blogspot.com
Thank You :)

Princess gone WILD. :)

2010-05-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Alright. So I've got TOEFL test on Saturday. Uni hunting today. And hang out tomorrow!!!

Basically I'm only looking forward to tomorrow, which is a Friday. I'm gonna meet up my college friends for lunch!!! Then photoshoot later and then Hilary love then... IDK. Its gonna be a hell busy day! But I'm gonna love it! I'm finally meeting all those people I missed out on. :) *excited like mad!* Boyfie is gonna be a good boyfie and skip movies with the guys and accompany me to INTI! Sweet? YES! :)

One thing bout you boyfie that I really love. You never fail to encourage me at anytime no matter what I do. I want to do a photoshoot, you say okie. I do poses that are totally 'out-of-mind-for-a-girl-who-has-a-boyfriend' you said, if I'm happy then its fine. And you know modelling is something I love to do. You would encourage me and keep going at times when I'm tired of hunting for universities though you know I'll leave as soon as I got my reply. But you said its for the best of my future. I couldn't ask for more. Being the 'princess' I am, you've really tolerated me well. ILoveYouBoyfie. :)

Anyways, back to what I was saying... TOEFL. Saturday at 0930hr, it would be my TOEFL exam. I don't know why am I panicking... but I'm just not confident! Yes! I'm not confident with my own English. I really gotta score this. Pray hard for me? :X

Now finally, uni hunting. I really don't know where else. I don't mind the uni's ranking. Afterall, no point of me getting into Harvard when I know I can't cope right? Though I really wish to get into Princeton. But parents can't afford unless I'm on a scholarship. Now, uni ranking doesn't matter. What matters to me is, do they have the course I want? Is the location somewhere that eases me? Afterall, I study best when I'm surrounded by nature. I find it beautiful and there's this very calm feeling in me which makes me study better. I don't know.

And if you haven't know, I chose Sociology as my major. I know to most of you, its useless. I never get encouragement whenever I say I wanna major in Sociology. But let me tell you what, I wanna study it cause I wanna really study human behaviour. I wanna know why do people act in a certain manner. I would then use what I've learnt and know then create theories of my own like any other great sociologists have to help the future generation understand themselves better. So, stop demoralizing me people! Sociologists are as great as anyone. In fact, it doesn't matter what your job it, every human being on this planet plays an important role in the social circle!

Finally, I know my blog is kindda filled with words! So tomorrow, I promise to take more pictures for updates! :) Loves!

Tuesday.

2010-05-17T23:42:00.000-07:00

Its a Tuesday and I haven't step foot into college. Its really kindda weird you know. Not going to college and sitting home or rather Mum's office to do my uni application. LoLxXx~!

I'm starting to miss my friends back at college. Like alot. As much as I wish to spend more time in Malaysia, I realized I couldn't. Afterall, I really love studying. Not for the sake of others. But for myself. I love reading and facing new challenges the educational world has to offer. What more is more challenging than having to understand things you never heard of? :)

I really wish my application for Northern Michigan University is accepted. Then I can happily start college again. Just this time, not in KL. But in the United States. Where I am doesn't matter right? As long as my heart remains with all of you here. Not much time left for me to spend with all of my dear babes and hawties here if my application for Fall 2010 is accepted.

However, every moment counts. And every moment together will be cherished. I sometimes wonder when will the next time I come back and step foot in KL after I leave this time. It isn't Singapore ya' know. Its the US we're talking about. I don't have that much money to fly to and fro every now and then. The next time when I come back, will KL look more... developed? Will there be better transportation and new malls? Will my friends still be the same? Will we ever meet in KL ever again? LoLxXx~! I know, I'm a pain in the ass whenever it comes to things like that.

Maybe this is why I plan to major in Liberal Arts. Can you imagine me doing Science? I think I'll burn the lab down before you can say the word 'supercaligragilisticexpialidocious'. haha~! Or business? I think I'll be driving those accountants mad and they'll look as if they have mad cow disease!

Anyways, I'll never forget times in Malaysia and Singapore. Times whereby I had so much fun being pampered like one hell princess. :) True friends who tolerated every single shyt of mine. Friends who plan surprises to cheer me up. Friends who drive hours to make me happy. Friends who sit there for hours watching me do my hair or pampering myself with manicure and so. Friends who would drive for an hour all the way to my college just to show me their support. Friends in high school who would stay back with me till late evening while I force myself to memorize things like 'Newton Law'!

People always say, 'Boys come and go, friends come and go but money stays'. Well, I guess mine will be the other way round. Apart from family, boyfie comes next and my friends are here to stay for the rest of my life. With me. No matter what it is or we are. A true friend is worth keeping. :)

Enjoy college life people~! ILoveYouAll.

Time flies.

2010-05-17T00:13:00.000-07:00

Its monday. And its also the first day of school. I love first day of school alot! Cause you'll get to know new people, new classmates.

However, the semester has begun. And the first thing I saw when I woke up was the 'message' from ESL. It kindda triggered my feelings a little. Knowing that I won't be going back to college as a student anymore. Next was from Aiman. Saying you know.. like... 'yeah, you're not coming back to college and I hate you for it' kindda thing... though I know he doesn't. Right Aiman? heheh~!

Up next was then Chris and Darren. Chris heard it from Seth and Darren heard it from Aiman. I don't know how many else will find out. Shaarmen's reaction something like 'aww.. gonna miss you and how can you leave when I'm starting to know you.' While Lyn's was, something like 'my fifi is leaving just when I'm about to declare her as my close friend.'

I'm gonna miss those fun times. Like for real. I've never felt... like erm.. school-less before. Browsing through Facebook every second, doing my university application and figuring out what to do next. I never thought I'd ever say this, but I actually kindda like going to school and learning new things with friends around.

Okay, last but not least, my blog does not welcome haters, backstabbers and critics. Wanna criticize, you may about me but not here. Wanna backstab, not the right place. Haters, not the right person to deal with. I'm not the usual meanie. But I can be one if you try to test my patience. Thank you. :)

Crazy night

2010-05-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

Hahaha~! Boyfie and I changed our relationship status from 'Married' to 'In a Relationship'. Lolx! And guess what, its never ending comments from our closest friends bout things I barely understand cause its all game terms... hehehe~! But they are like really funny... from burning downa building to cutting walls with knife to I don't know what. LoLxXx~! Its been a long time since I have such a good laugh with my childhood bestie and my all time protector Xiu Wen and my high school friends.

A great night to sleep in. :) And ohhhh~! Read Ern's blog today. I think what he says is true. You must have loved a person before to hate that person. hahahah~!

But Boyfie, I'll only love you and not hate you. :) Good luck handling spammers tonight! hahaha~! ILY!

Boyfie

2010-05-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okie... let me officially introduce my dear boyfie. Previously known as 'so-called-hubby'. And Aaron Chang to the rest. Or rather 'Cloudy' at certain times. :)

One of the many faces he has :) Ignore my totally unglam look :X

This is what happens when he is impatient I guess.. hahah!!! again.. ignore my unglam-ness...

My dear boyfie, ILY... :) Thanks for being there for me ever since.. can't even remember. Through my ups and downs in teenage years, you never fail to be there. And now, my best friend turned boyfriend! hahaha~! Love you.

Life as an INTI-an

2010-05-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning smiling to myself and thinking, 'my life is finally perfect with no worries at all and I have amazing friends around me everyday!'

Then, things started to change. As I was replying Kah Hean's message *cause I fell asleep while SMS-ing him - soooo me*, mum came knocking at my door. I thought it would be something you know, bad. Afterall, I did came home pretty late last night. And yes, she did ask me where was I. Not the main point.

The next moment, she looked excited and all. She opened her mouth and these words came out, 'U of Minnesota still taking in freshmen. So is U at Albany.' I stunned for a moment there. Trust me, if it was the old me. I would jump up for joy and say, 'YES! Lets apply!' Cause I'm really confident in my GCE O Levels result.

But this time, it was, 'Oh really?' I wouldn't say I made the best decision to apply as a freshman. But I'm sure its for the best future I could possibly have. Now this is the thing. Since now I'm applying as a freshman, I NEED NOT GO TO COllEGE IN INTI ANYMORE!

I'm not entirely psyched by it. Cause, I like it there. I love my classmates for all my subjects. I enjoyed the time when I am being treated like a little girl and people laughing at my blur-ness when I don't catch a joke. I liked it alot at INTI.

Just recently, I got to know three really nice people. Gaik Lyn, Daniel and DiSheng. Can you imagine the number of friends I have there? The number of really nice people who really care about me.

Yesterday, I was telling Simon, Adrian and Jia Zheng that I'm really glad college is starting soon on Monday cause I can't wait to see my friends and give them a nice warm hug like I always do. I can't wait to laugh out loud in class with new classmates and getting to know new people.

But thats it for me as an INTI-an. It all went nice. Some downs and some ups. But mostly was one college experience I'll never forget.

Thank you to those who made my life at INTI a much better one. Sorry to those if I've ever hurt you or offended you. And thank you to those who hates me, backstabs me, and tried to turn my life 180 degrees and make it a hell one. I'm not mad. I say 'thank you' because you people have also taught me a valuable lesson. I've learnt that, I can't please everyone I know. And sometimes, I gotta just let it go. It doesn't matter who hates you or who treats you badly or who does what to you. What matters is the heart. As long as I'm happy and I know who my true friends are. The others doesn't really matter. :)

Thats my phase as an INTI-an. Now, its a memory. A memory that I'll remember. And one I'll tell my children someday. As a freshman, as student, as a participant, as a leader, as a friend and as a part of a big family.

Thank You.

2010-05-14T16:20:00.000-07:00

Has anyone told you, 'Yeah, you're a tough girl. You've had 13 ex-boyfriends before. Whats another one to you?' when you've actually taken him seriously and wasn't at all playing or messing around with him? I made a wrong move yesterday. A real wrong one. When he said that, it didn't really broke my heart... but it made me feel disappointed. Is he trying to tell me that I wasn't true to him but was willing to stick by him for a year or more just because of fun??? One thing for sure, Chua Geek Lun, never will I ever wanna see you again. You're wrong in whatever you said. And you needn't ask Carmen to take care of me. Cause I'll learn. Not to be stupid and foolish ever again. And let me tell you something, my bf, he doesn't want me for my body! He loves me. So you can say all you want and think all you want for what I care, but like you said, 'Make him love you.' I will. But not because of the sake of FUN. But because I know we both will be true to each other. And unlike you, he really put behind the past! 13 ex-boyfriends, the time I was a player, the time I was a 'good girl gone bad', the time whereby I was such a bitch no one recognized me... he really did. And you know what, he even supported me during catwalk and poses. When I want to go out with my friends. He supports and let me go.

But without you, I wouldn't be with him now. So thank you. Its take people like you to be the bad guy and push me away for me to realize that there are actually much better people who are outside.
I always say, 'To love and be loved'. I hope you still remember. Cause with you, its barely it. But now with him, I know how it really feels.

Finally, hubby hubby! heheh. Each time I think of you, I'll smile. Each time I think of that moment, I'll smile. I'll smile as long as you're still around. I like planning things ahead. Whereas you don't. I never really understood 'go with the flow' until now. When everything is so messed up that I wouldn't even wanna plan. LoLxXx! Thanks hubby for calling me middle of the night though you were really exhausted. Thanks for clarifying all my doubts and thoughts. What you said really meant alot to me. I'll let the past be past. ILY. Thanks hubby.

Happiness.

2010-05-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would be this happy. But this time, I've learnt something really valuable. Happiness is actually everywhere. And its up to us to grab hold of it. Sometimes, we want them, but we don't want to put in effort in getting them. Thats when we think the world is gloomy and everything is bad.

Put a little effort and go after your own happiness and things will then be different. No more princess attitude, no more being fussy and no major mood swings from now on. Thats what I'm willing to kick off to keep my own happiness and my own happy ending.

'Do I want to be happy for the next 7 months?' My answer to your question is, 'yes'. I can't promise anything solid for I know myself more than anyone else. But as of 13th May 2010. I gave something that is worth more than anything. Not myself. But my heart. Which all sums up to, truth, honestly, and loyalty.

I'll be faithful as long as you remain who you are no matter what. :)

And as of yesterday, I can stay in his arms till whenever I want. I can hold his hand and let him hug me in return.

My dear friends and readers, I know you must be thinking I'm crazy. Relationship after relationship. Just 5 mnths ago, I just broke up with a guy whom I thought was the last. Lets all put it this way, I may seem like a naive person and I know I am one sometimes. I may be known as a grade one hell player to some.

But let me ask you guys something in return. Are you not going to move on and hold on to your past just because you're afraid of getting hurt again? Are you not going to move on just because you're afraid you'll be known as a player? Are you not going to move on and cover up all that feelings you have just because you're afraid you'll end up alone AGAIN? Are you going to remain with the one person and not break up and move on just because you wouldn't want to be known as a player or a b*tch or something bad for breaking someone's heart? Or are you just afraid to face the fact that sometimes, it takes several falls before you find the one thats meant for you?

I'll just face the fact. When two person are not meant to be, their not. And when you've moved on and found someone new who would love you for who you are. Then why not? I was afraid of many things in life. I hate uncertainity. But this time, I've learnt my lesson. Sometimes, we just gotta be prepared and move a step ahead. :)

If you think I'm crapping, then I'm sorry. But thats what I've seen and learnt. :) Toodles!

P.S. ... I know you'll definately read it. :) And I wanna tell you that I'll try my best to be the girl of your dream. But no solid promises. :)

When things get messy.

2010-05-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried like changing the 'roles' of your friends and then when you fall for that one person, things get messy cause you wouldn't know what to do? In either ways, I'm giving myself 3 days maximum to find an answer. If I don't find an answer, this will be a 'non-existant case'. I don't know if anyone is as crazy or mad as me. But I hate it when I'm left uncertain.

LoLxXx~! Like Carmen says, 'He knows one la... just don't show only.' I hope what she say is true. But as much as I'm guessing, it isn't! hahah~! Kindda cranky still today. Hopefully I'll be fine by tomorrow cause again, tomorrow is a friday. And friday means, out with BABI(S)!!!

Though I have crazy catwalk session tomorrow, I think my day tomorrow is still gonna be fine. Hehehe~! Finally, will get to hug Hilary after a long time not hugging her and trying to bully/'kek sei' Iverine. Heheheh~!

Babi(s) will be following me to training tomorrow cause without them, its a huge 'no no' from mum to go out late night alone! Especially when I'm a girl. See the problem there??? There is still no gender equality till today. Its like... unfair! I know, I'm going crazy. But what can I say?

I really miss you. I just wish you were here right now, hugging me and telling me that everything's okay. I'll survive! I guess.

And oh-oh!! I just submitted my online application for Stony Brooke University. Hopefully I get in. Its located in New York. But not NYC of course. I'm not a city kindda person. :)

The other application was to University of Minnesota. Its in Minneapolis. I prefer U of M as compared to Stony Brooke. But whatever it is, it all still sums down to, whether they take me in or not.

I shall pray hard and stay strong for now. Toodles.

Horrible me.

2010-05-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure whats really going on now.

Letting go is something that I've really yet to learn - long long time ago. But now, I think I'm doing fine. But after months... I don't know. I know I've totally, entirely let go. But, there's always something in me telling me that I haven't.

I don't know. I just don't. And today, I'm moody! I'm like really, ... cranky. Can't tell why. A song just kindda spoke to me today and I really liked it when its played. Even up till now, it just won't playing in my head. I don't know.

How I wish I could tell 'him' whats going on. Oh wait! I can't! Cause he'll never understand. And why? IDK! I really wish you would hug me closely now and tell me everything's alright. CAuse when I'm in your arms, I feel really calm and protected. But yet again, you'll never figure out how I feel. Ironic isn't it?

Two guys and a girl. Hate it when it becomes like this. Cause the person I like, won't eventually like me. But the person I don't like, likes me. What is wrong with this Earth?

How do I start by telling you, 'I fell for you. Will you please stop doubting me like how you doubt all the other girls. I know I'm going to the States soon. But we can always try to work things out. We'll never know what the future holds.'? I just can't seem to find those words in front of you each time.

I'm losing control. I get jealous. I get frustrated. And college is about to start. I really gotta get my mind straight. Someone tell me how... haihxx...

You. Only you.

2010-05-11T17:50:00.000-07:00

When I hear your voice, I feel happy.
When I am near you, I feel protected.
When I hear people talking about you, I feel excited.

I can't tell you how much you really mean to me. Cause these feelings can't be told but only felt. I feel as if the whole world goes according to me whenever you're around. When you're not, I feel empty.

Just yesterday as I was sitting in my car thinking, tears started coming down. I don't know why. Because I'm happy of your existance or sad that though you exist, you don't belong to me.

One thing for sure, I'm lost and empty yet happy whenever you're around. And all these feelings, is only because of you...

feelings.

2010-05-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

Tell me someone when do we know if those feelings we have is true.

I'm thirsty for an answer! I hope I get it right. But, the barrier is set there today. I guess, prince don't just come up and save the princess. And princesses will just have to wait till the right prince comes up.

If only there is such potion as a true love kiss.

I wish those hugs you give are given before bedtime. The comfort you give, will never stop coming in. I'm not sure if its true. And if its true, I'm not sure if I wanna admit it. Cause, knowing you, I wouldn't wanna head for failure.

You and I... I guess we're just meant to be the way we are. Till fate decides our destiny.

1st May, trip to Singapore.

2010-05-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

On 1st of May, I did a one day trip back to my home country, Singapore! :) I met my high school schoolmates who are also my greatest, closest, best-est friends in Singapore. Not only that, my senior year class teacher was also there! Yes, she may be a teacher. But she is one fun teacher who just happen to be our best friend too. :)

From left: Miss Nur a.k.a. Diyana, Me, LiWei (Panda)

Miss Nur and my sister. Told you she's a fun kind. :)

From left: God-grandma, Me, Miss Nur, Sister, Danah, LiWei, Des

Danah and Liwei. They are both mother (LiWei) & daughter (Danah)

Miss Nur, Danah and Faris. Faris a.k.a. Danah's Daddy

The next 5 pictures were taken on purpose! :) Over-exposure. heheh~!

Rashana. The little-est among us! 145cm! Fun-size! Mess with her and you're messing with the whole bunch of us~! :)

Desiree. About 163-165cm~! Tall-ie... :) Soft-hearted, freeko-minded woman! Lovable! :)

This is me. 165cm. Crazy. Freeko-minded. Soft-hearted. Soft ears (translated from Chinese. Not sure if there's such thing in English). Never say no. And never back out!

Guannie. 170cm - 175cm. Spider-man. Not Spiderman aite. He loves spiders. Weird. Calls himself 71 at 17. Always cursing. Always wanting free stuff. But a friend worth knowing and loving. :)

Danah. 155cm. Crazy woman. Low self-esteem. Lovable. Friendly. Socialite. Really really active. And despite her low self-esteem, she never gives up in trying and she's really good at comforting. :)

The four who were my high school classmates throughout my years in Chai Chee (except for Danah. Smart-ass was in the pure science class for the last two years.) We've been through ups and downs together. And till today, I thank God I got to know them. Nothing better could have happen . :)

When the 4 girls get together... this is what happens. Crazy-ness + chaos! Taken in Tampines Mall. :)

I'm speechless. But we do have fun together. Loads! :)

From left: Rashana, Danah, Me. (taken after a nice manicure done.) :)

Just done. Can you see the blue nails? I'm no longer 'pink-obsesses'... I'm now 'blue-obsessed'. :)

LoLxXx! So I guess, for once, the post is filled with pictures huh? :) Anyways, Guannie, Des, Shana, Danah, LiWei, Faris and Miss Nur... THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING! You guys were the greatest thing that happened to me during my time in Singapore! ILOVEYOUALL! <3

Birthday Girl

2010-05-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

When I was in Primary 6, I got to know this young lady. Her name is Jamie Liew. Both of us are total opposites. She LOVES shopping and heels. Whereas I LOVE the field and snickers. heheh~! But lets just say things turned out well between us and we clicked. We became great friends and shared alot together.

On 8th of May, she celebrated her 18th birthday. And so now, we're both even. Both 18, both in college. And both, still total opposites.

ILOVEYOUJAMIE. <3

From left we have, Carmen (Babi), Jamie (Birthday Girl), Aaron (Hubby) and myself.

In case you're wondering why are we all in pink... its because the color code for the night was pink! :)

Happy Mothers' Day.

2010-05-09T03:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers' Day Mummy, MaMa and K Ma.

Mummy, thank you for everything that you've given me. I know, I'm one big princess whenever it comes to doing housework. I am no help when it comes to tough job like cleaning and washing. I'm sorry. Even so mummy, you did it all. You wash my clothes till today. You clean up my mess. You clean my room. You pick out my outfit just for college. No one can be a better mum than you. You were the one who gave me life. The one whose blood is running in my body. Thank you Mummy. Without you, there won't be me. Without me, I won't have tomorrow. ILOVEYOU Mummy.

MaMa. In other words, Grandma. :) Thank you for giving me a great mum. heheh! Well, not only that. I know you've tolerated my princess moments too. When I was a child, you would cook my favourite food for dinner every night. You remember my favourites and my hates. You are always proud of me. You would always try to get the best for me no matter what. I remember once when you drove me to kindergarten, we were late and when you reverse the car, you knocked down our neighbour's gate. Or that time, when you fetched me from school when I was in Form 1, you almost got into an accident. Thank you for everything. From A to Z... I can't think of a thing that isn't related at all to you. Cause you are my everything.

K Ma! My lovely god-grandma. Thank you. Thank you for always trying to make me happy. I know, sometimes I'm one hell child to please. Hehehe! A princess attitude and a hard headed girl. Thank you for baring it till today. Thank you for treating me as your own daughter. From fetching me to school during my primary school days to fetching me to ballet lessons. I know its tiring. But you never complained. From buying little things like a hair clip to something that cost a bomb! The little things you do will never be forgotten. The nagging every morning. Drying my hair. Dressing me up. Tying my hair right before my ballet examinations. Waiting eagerly for good news. The effort, the money, the time you spent on me, will not be wasted. I promise. Thank you K Ma for always being there for me.

Below are some pictures of the three wonderful ladies. :)

My grandparents on my maternal side. Together with my mum, sis and I.

My god-grandmother, K Ma.

The woman who gave life and whose blood is running in my body. Mummy.

Thoughts.

2010-05-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and looked outside. The Sun is shining as brightly as ever! I turned to my laptop and starting going through my friends' Facebook profiles. I saw changes. Alot of them but I can't tell exactly what they are. Anyways, I continued 'profile-hopping' and I paused at this dear friend of mine's profile.

She wrote something... new. And right at the end of it, she said, 'Dedicated to a friend who has forgotten who he is; who has lose himself and is no longer the person I knew him for.'

I read this sentence over and over again. I knew this girl since I was 13 and we used to hate each other much on the first few days of school. But we turned out just fine and started being good friends when I left and all. But that isn't the point.

As I stare at this sentence and think about all those friends I used to be close with. I ask myself, 'What became of me ever since?'

Ever since I just pass teenage years and being a young adult. Ever since I left for Singapore. Ever since I came back. There is like never ending questions in my head.

If I've noticed the people around me change, can it be that I'm the one who've changed and distant myself or is it... I don't know. Right up to this point, all I know is I've made plenty of great friends. And I've lost plenty of nice friends. Because they've changed? Or is it because I've changed?

Tell me, those who have known me since at least high school. Have I changed? For better or for worst?

Carmen, remember when we agreed that I was only tough on the outside but really weak in the inside? Have I truly grown to be tougher and stronger?

KJ, Alex, Joshie, LP, KarLock... remember when we always say I act like a guy and all? Have I finally learnt how to be more feminine?

Jamie, remember those times when I had to struggle to fit into the heels at the end of Form 1 when we went out? Am I better at it now?

I really want to know the differences between growing up and changing. Money come and go. People come and go. Boyfriends/Girlfriends come and go. But I really wish those friends who are my true friends remain from then on till the end of life.

I know, people like Carmen, WahLung, XiuWen and Aaron would be at the top now and wonder, 'Why am I still ever so simple to please?' or better, 'Why am I so naive?' haha! I don't know either.

I only know, the key to a simple and healthy life, is to smile through all your toubles and call it a day. :)

So, is it growing up or change? Your choice. You decide. :)

A Day. :)

2010-05-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

Well, it was a day. I won't elaborate much. But, it was pretty fun.

Went to MV today and bumped into some unsightly people... she's the girl I've known ever since 4 or 5 years old. And to me, I hate to critisize... but please let me just this once alright. I still fcuking hate her. She just looked... slutty as ever, ugly as ever... I don't know. I just can't forget what a boyfriend stealer she is. Anyways... its out of my system. It should be right? NVM.

Apart from that, I also bumped into a few of my high school friends I should say. Except for one of them whom I know since primary. They were outside T.G.I. Fridays waiting for their table to celebrate Sheena's birthday. Saw JinRui, high school friend and ermmm.. Steven Fok Jia Liang... the one I said I knew since primary. His reaction tells me, he either seemed surprised that I was back or that I've changed 180 degrees. I don't know. All I know, we stared for like seconds n finally hugged and said 'hi'. Hahah. Saw a friend who I chat with online in real life for the first time. And yeah.. NVM... weird.. I know. Lolx.

Anyways, it was a day filled with laughter, excitement, movies, food, bumping into friends and yeah...

I'll just call it a day. :) A day I kindda won't forget.

Bloggers and Readers.

2010-05-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

I have this darling friend of mine. Her English may not be perfect. But she has splendid Mandarin. That is a fact that doesn't give us the right to critisize her.

Every blogger will have their own style of blogging. Own style of expressing their thoughts and feelings :) And honestly, I like the way she blogs.

Because, she is not only true to herself, she is also true to her readers. What else can we ask for as readers except for the bloggers to be true to us?

Everyone will have their own capabilities and disabilities. If you dislike reading someone's blog, don't visit it, don't read it.

Like I said before, 'Like it, stay. Hate it, its always a pleasure to see you leave.'

Anyways,
I woke up at 2.03am and started Facebooking and all. Also, I helped Shaarmen changed his blog's layout. Which after I thought I could give my baby (blog) a little makeover. So here it is. I like the Sunflower. To me, it represents never ending happiness. Because, a Sunflower will always face where is sun shines. Whatever is done is done. We can't rewind time. So, look forward for a brighter day!

Aaron Chang!!! Regardless, I want Korean food tonight! And its final!!

National Camp 2008

2010-05-06T00:24:00.000-07:00

In 2008, I attended National Camp. I bet if you look it up my archives for the year 2008, August, you can still get a read up about it. But there isn't any pictures. I found these three pictures on my Facebook and decided to upload it up here. Hahaha~!

I was from the Bravo Coy. Trust me. Bravo-ians are the best people! We get hyper almost all the time! We sing, we dance, we laugh, we pray, we do almost everything together! These are the people who I've met through the camp! People with perserverance, people with dignity, people with pride. And best of all, we are the people who learnt how to accept the differences among one another and turn it into respect. And because of this, until today, we all remain as friends.

Last year, we celebrated Bravo-ians 1 year old at Clarissa's place! What will it be this year? I'm ever looking forward to see you Bravo-ians! :) I love you guys loads!

Camp Fire group pic! Last night of camp!

Rise and Shine! Should be last day! Time to pack! :(

And may I present you, the Bravo-ian's cheerleaders! :) Bimbotic as I sound, being bimbo is the key to happiness sometimes! :)

Can't wait to see you Bravo-ians in July! Its a promise! Loads n Loads of Love... :)

Triple threat.

2010-05-03T04:59:00.000-07:00

Haha... not really 'Triple threat'. Should be 'Triple posts'. I'm gonna tell you what happened on Friday, Saturday, Sunday which makes up one story by the title, 'My long weekends'. Whereas the second, would be about, 'Moving on and getting sick'. Finally, 'Truth'.

So lets get started...

MY LONG WEEKENDS

On Friday, I went out with my darling hubby a.k.a. Aaron Chang a.k.a. my best friend a.k.a. my guardian angel. Hahahah! There were also, Adrian, Cia Lea and his girlfriend, Aaron Chin, Adam, Simon, Ah Tok (I guess I spelt his name correctly), a guy I've never met before by the name of Nick or something like that, and a couple of new girls.

The group of us went to Mid-Valley for a movie titled, 'Ip Man 2'. For guys, I'll recommend it to people who like actions. I personally enjoyed laughing with the group. I didn't really understand most of the part and according to Aaron Chang, its because I didn't watch the first part. But honestly, I never really enjoyed action movies. I prefer more of romance and classics. Hahah! Old fashioned? I don't think so. I just think that classics is what make art beautiful. :) So after the movie, we went for dinner at this Nyonya restaurant kindda thing in 'Gardens' or is it 'The Gardens'? Whichever it is, its located right opposite Mid-Valley.

I got myself a nice cup of drink from Starbucks. :) And after which my lovely hubby sent me home and I had a wonderful night tucked in my lovely bed with my favourite teddy. :)

And as soon as I open my eyes at 5a.m. on a splendid Saturday morning, it was time for me to get dresses up and head to the airport where I get onboard my lovely flight, 3K 684 at 8.50a.m. to Singapore! It was a one day trip and it was nice seeing all my close friends from Singapore! I did meet my lovely Form Teacher whom eventually became a friend to me too! :) Desiree, Danah, Guannie, Shana and I walked from place to place and LiWei, Faris, and Miss Nur eventually joined us in the evening.

Shana left early for work and Des left as soon as she sent me to the airport. The rest stayed till I left for the immigration. It was sad to see one by one of them leave knowing that I might not see them for some time. Maybe years...

I'll cherish them for as long as I live. It was just a one day trip. But I love them alot and they never fail to make me feel loved. So, my flight was delayed and I only boarded the plane at 10.45p.m. and the plane took off at about 11p.m. I arrived KL at about midnight and got home at 1a.m. Aaron Chang was still awake when I got home. And we chat and chat till 3 plus when Adrian came online and we continued chatting. At about 4a.m., I couldn't take it and went to bed.

The next morning at 9a.m., my phone rang. It was a call from Aaron Chang. It was time to wake up and go to Mid-Valley with him and Carmen Au, my best/close friend. :) Our initial plan was to leave by 11a.m.

Unfortunately, if you've known me long enough, you'll know I'm never on time. So, they observed me showering my dog, drawing Aaron's poster for presentation, drag myself to the room to get ready and all the other stuff. I even had a tough time choosing which perfume to use! LoLxXx! So, we ended up leaving at like 12 noon! hahah!

We went there, we shopped, or to be exact, Carmen shopped! ALOT! But we did buy this car sticker thingy which has funny words on it! Our cars will have it! So look out for it! :) We had DURIAN PANCAKES! It was marvellous. Probably the only Durian pancake I'll eat apart from the one in Medan, Indonesia. :)

We left Mid-Valley at about 5.30p.m. and it was time for us to head home. :)

So there you have. My long weekends. Moving on, we have...

Moving on and getting sick.

Yes, I'm sick again. But lets go in sequence alright. Moving on.

I've been thinking over and over again. Why hold on to the past when it haunts me and doesn't make me feel good about myself? The past is horrible. And each time I think of things that happened in the past, I can't stop blaming myself for being either too stupid, too foolish, too naive or for being a coward. It sucks. And I want to start a fresh. I gotta let go. And I know I can as long as I've got the will power. Right? I mean, if I don't wanna learn to let go and move on, who is gonna help me?

And as for getting sick, yes, I won't stop getting sick. I don't know why. But this time, I thank God I'm sick at the right time. If you wanna get sick, you gotta make sure its the right time too right? You wouldn't wanna get sick on the day of your wedding or exams right? heheh!

It isn't so bad. Just a minor sore throat, minor cough, minor fever and a minor cramps here and there :) Will be fine after a nap. I guess. I hope at least. :)

And finally,

Truth.

The truth is,
1. Each time I look at you, I feel as if I'm looking at the night lights from the top of a mountain.
2. When you're next to me, I feel as if the world is below ou feet.
3. When you touch me, it feels as if you're telling me 'I'll always be right here for you wherever, whenever you need me'.
4. I wouldn't want you to leave me. I want you right next to me each moment of my life as the clock ticks.
5. I'm scared to face all these feelings alone.

You may be thinking who am I telling all these to. Well, I won't tell till I know these feelings are true and real. But one thing for sure, if we can't be more than friends, I hope we'll remain as friends...

So, thats all folks. For pictures of my splendid long weekend, check it out on Facebook tomorrow! :)

With Love,
Afina.

Spotted.

2010-04-29T19:37:00.000-07:00

Was blog hopping this morning. First of holidays and its already as bored as maths! Anyways, as I was saying, I was blog hopping this morning (Danah hates it whenever I blog hop) and I saw this wonderful thing. :)

Aquarius (Does it in the water):
Trustworthy. Great Kisser. One of a kind.
Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic.
Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations.
Not a fighter, but will knock your lights out.

Hahahaha~! So watcha think? How many of it is true? I don't know... I don't think I can judge myself if I'm a 'Great kisser' or not right. And the 'Loves being in long-term relationships' explains why I'm never in one! I want it so much I guess I kindda freek those guys out! hahah! Just kidding.

Anyways, since I was at it, I decided to take a look at my Carmen Babi's horoscope :) Capricon right?

Capricon (The passionate lover) :
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistable.
Loves being in long-term relationship. Great talker. Always get what he or she wants.
Cool. Loves to own Gemini(s) in sports. Extremely fun. Love to joke. Smart.

Now, for those who knows Carmen, what'cha think??? hahaha!!

Next time, I'm gonna do it for my Babes not Babi(s) k!! I'll check out Desiree's, Shana's, Danah's, Guannie's, Ronald's, Liwei's, Faris' and Miss Nur's!!! Just wait and be patient alright... I gotta find out what's their horoscope when I get back to Singapore tomorrow!!!

Its gonna be much fun! But the hang out with my Babi(s) gotta be delayed to like erm Sunday :(

Sorry Babi(s) :(... but if I don't go back to Singapore, I'm gonna end up in jail! Visa gonna expire ... Sorry!

Till then, more pictures and more pretty updates of my home country, Singapore!!! wooohooo!

Life and Death.

2010-04-29T02:12:00.000-07:00

I read Hilary's blog earlier and saw this link on her latest post; http://gigikissu.blogspot.com . If you know how to read mandarin, go take a look. I hope she's (Gigi) is fine by now. After reading her blog, I realized there are many things in life that are unexpected. And some of which are death and accidents.

We worry when someone we love gets into an accident but we worry about the car more if no one gets hurt. We moarn over the death of our love ones but we neglect them when they are alive. It all contradicts one another. Appreciate while we still can. We won't know what will happen next.

Regardless, I hope this young lady gets better soon.

Counting Days.

2010-04-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

I'm counting days for loads of stuff now! heheh!

For exams to be over, to enjoy my nice meal with my babi(s), our day shopping for formal and cute outfits, hang outs with friends...

The thought of just pampering myself just thrills me!!! Ever since uni started, I haven't officially sat down for a mani pedi! So, I must pamper myself this holiday! And a mani is a must! Pedi, not so... I never wear heels anymore. Unless I've got presentation. So, a mani is good enough! Then, I'm gonna walk in to Roxy with my babi (Carmen in this case) and do our gift exchange session (for the presents we missed out on each other during each other's bday).

After which we'll both walk in I don't know where with another babi of ours (Aaron) and get our formal clothings for presentations and bla bla bla. Now, after all the shopping and mani is done, my other babi(s) (WahLung and Xiuwen) together with the three of us, are going to drive down to either Puchong for our lovely Korean food or Victoria Station for a nice plate of steak/lamb/anything splendid or we'll head down to somewhere for Japanese food (I don't think Japanese food will win this week. Its never filling).

Nice plan huh for my pampering day out with my babi(s)... :) In fact, I don't think its only a beautiful plan, but its also a pocket burning plan! But who cares??? I'm supposed to be pampered! And oh! Apart from that, Carmen is also gonna help me get a cutie outfit to match my new hairstyle!

On top of all this, what makes me go over the top is, Mummy finally allowed me to switch my major! I'm gonna major in Sociology!!! :) I know what you guys might think... I'll never survive in the research especially when I love the outside world. Well people, thats why I'm majoring in Sociology! Its not only a Humanities subject, it also involves alot of travelling! So, ME LOVE!

Now, to end this post, let me be a little drama-mama alright. Cause I wanna get all emotional and say this; At the end of the day, no life is sucky or screwed up. Its just how you guys work around in. Failed relationships? You have to be prepared. And if it fails, you know God has something better for you. Broken family? Come on, you're not the only one. And you should know that you can always count on your best friend. Stressed because of studies? You won't get stressed out if you've plan your time well. So learn from it. Studying something you can't cope with? Well, if its your choice, then get motivated and keep pushing. If its not what you want, talk to your parents. Get help. In the end, its nothing to be ashamed of. We're not born to be geniuses.

Whenever you think you're unlucky and days are doomed for you. Guess what, you're not! Cause if you're able to read this post, you're already telling me you own an internet connection. Even if you don't, then you might be at an Internet Cafe. Now, you might probably ask again. Whats so great about it? Let me tell you, people from the undeveloped countries, or rather, third world, they would use the money you guys are paying the Internet Cafe or to buy the computers you guys are using to buy food for the family.

We complain bout things that we don't realize that many in this world would kill to own. Whats that one or two that comes in life and serve as obstacles? We pray for luxuries. They pray for basic needs. We pray for a perfect life with cars n house and stupid branded bags. They pray to survive everyday.

I don't know how you guys look at things. But I just wanna share with you guys that, sometimes, we're not the worst. There are people out there that are 1000 times worst than us and yet, they love each day they are living.

Be happy and naturally, everything will be fine. :)

The New Me.

2010-04-25T05:14:00.000-07:00

I'm reforming! Hahahah!!! So yeah... I've tried wearing dresses and skirts this year. Now, my hair... so here you have it :)

Saddle up!

2010-04-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

Its about time for me to saddle up... in one and a half hrs, I'll be in the exam venue pee-ing in my skirt! God bless me. Good luck to all my Soc103 classmates! Today will be the last day for us being in a particular venue together!

I'll miss you guys hell load! Loves!

Only motivation.

2010-04-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

No motivation to study! Gosh! Help? Anyone?

I can't think of anything now but food. Maybe food is my only motivation. LoLxXx! Hate myself once I can't focus! Cause then I'll start to panic and everything will go down the drain! Gosh! Someone give me food! Now!!! :S

Just about it.

2010-04-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

We were chatting at 6.40am. Crazy and awkward at first... but it turned out alright. You're not that bad anymore.

I haven't felt so comfortable talking to you for a very long time. But the conversation was nice to have :) I'm not sure if contacting you again would be a desirable thing to do. But I know it is something I've always wanted to do. I've seen all sorts of changes in you and heard all kindda things about you. But thats about it.

Anyways, its a friday!!! But ain't going out with my babi(s) today. Gonna eat dinner with mum tonight. No one is gonna be home. So, I'll just be here! I know I said I won't be blogging. But life is too short to let one day go without remembering it!

Till then, Good Luck to all AUP students for your finals and Happy Holidays to those who are having holidays :P

Babi(s)

2010-04-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Yes. I went out with my Babi(s) today. They are, Aaron and Carmen... We talked bout this particular topic that won't stop replaying in my head. Three guys out of 13 guys that truly cares bout me.

First, when I was in Form 1. Back in Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Bandar Baru Sungai Long. He cared for me alot. For real. No matter how much I would love to hate him, I can't deny the fact that he cared for me with his heart.

Second, when I was in Form 3. From Sri Cempaka. He cared for me big time! But, I didn't know how to appreciate him.

Third, though he is controlling and all. No doubt, he cared for me too! Major!

These three, did bring tears and joy to me. They cared like ass for me. They would do anything to make put a smile on my face. But I owe them loads. I never did appreciate any good times. Maybe I did one or twice that I really appreciate. But their care and love at that time, was pure and true. I really wonder something... 'Why bother treating me well when you know at that point of time, I was nothing but a 'player'?' I really wonder why...

The end.

2010-04-19T16:57:00.000-07:00

Semester 1 has almost come to an end. After next week, everyone of us will move on and continue chasing our dreams while holding on to our hopes.

The beauty about American Degree Tansfer Programme (AUP) is that you never know when you'll bump into each other again. Next semester? Or the following? We choose what subjects we want to do at certain semesters and you'll get to know people from all different semesters because, WE TAKE THE COMMON SUBJECT! lolx!

But one thing for sure is all Semester 1 students will have at least one common subject. That is, English Composition 1 (ENL 101) ! They are wonderful classmates and you can get all sort of people from my class! From nerdy to jocks; smart-ass to smart-but-not-so-smart-yet-smart smart-ass; quiet to noisy; hilarious to lame-'ers' and all other sorts of people! And with such information, I hereby present to you, my one and only.... ENL 101 classmates!!! Taught by, Professor Dr. Lim Ho Peng (he's good with poses ;] )!! heheh!

ENL 101, 1A

Apart from my ENL classmates, there are another bunch which I appreciate loads!!! My Sociology classmates! Soc 103 :) Lecturer is, Professor Borges! He is strict at times! But his class is the one I enjoy most! I just love the beauty of Arts :) So, here you have! People from Soc 103!!

Soc 103

Another subject which I thank God I took is CHM 107!!! Cause from there, I got to know really nice people. People who were there for me to lend me a helping hand and to give me never ending support! I love them to bits! But unfortunately, its their final semester at INTI! :(

This (the picture above) is Alvin. He is tough okay! Mess with him and he'll tear you into pieces! He is fun at times... but when he's cranky, never try to fool around! hahaha! Good Luck Dear :)

Now this, is Suearna! She's funny! And lovely! She's sweet and cheerful! There were times I really needed help during this event I was in. And she helped me. She even let me sleep on her bed! Thanks love. She'll be heading to NTU / NUS to further her studies. Yes, its in Singapore. All the best :)

And as for these people, they are my average daily life social circle. The guy next to me, is Aiman. He never fails to stand up for me... one thing I like when I'm around them, is I get to be a kid again! and never have to worry about anything. They make me calm my senses :) Thanks guys :)

Now, the finale. The thing to end it all, is the life changing event. It helped me gain so much! More than just friends and experience. It helped me find my true self :) And no! I'm not in modelling! I never will be! So yeah...

Through the event, I learnt how to grow up! Like really grow up! I realized there are things you sometimes can't ignore but you have to face it to fix it. I've been there. And I've learnt my part. They pamper me alot. And were really really nice to me. I never felt the pressure. In fact, I took it as a chance for experience than competition. So here you have, Social Board '10.

People that worked so hard to put everything together for just one night :)

Us, the participants of the event. But errrr... Jason's head is blocked. Good if you can spot him :X

My partner, Usman and I

My partner is the best partner you can get for catwalk! Cause he will come out with the poses! All you have to do is just POSE! hehehe!

And last but not least, our celebration dinner at Sepang Gold Coast :)

Now, you guys would have a glance at my first semester in INTI! I wouldn't deny the fact that Nilai is dead bored and filled with only trees. But hey! Its the people that matters! Not the place :)

Finally, this might be the last post for these couple of weeks because of my finals. So, please stay tuned! Love you peeps! :)

THE END.

Definately.

2010-04-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

I'm definately gonna start hating him. But oh well, not worth my time.

Anyways, its study week and I drove all the way to campus... just to study! Can you believe it! 45 minutes drive just to study... lolx! Call me crazy call me mad, I'm just it! I just dislike studying at home cause I can't focus at home! Hahahaha

And, I just came up with something this morning. It goes something like this:

Reality is sad and horrifying. That is why, when someone lives through it and makes the best out of it (reality), we call that person 'The best'.

I'm not emo-ing. Just that, when I listen to news or open the news paper, people commit suicide and leave their love ones behind. Whereas some, lives are taken back by our creator, God. And these living ones on Earth will then yearn over them. Now I ask myself... why do people commit suicide? Why do God want to take the lives of those he created?

Now the thing is is this, the sad-est (no such word... just like it when I come up with my own term :] ) thing that can happen to you, is losing someone you love and care for.

Now the most horrifying thing that can happen to you is not someone dying. But when you trust someone and that someone just turn the back on you and stab you right in your right without you knowing. That is horrifying. Cause then, you wouldn't tell who is true and fake to you.

At that point of time, you'll feel as if the world is dark and you're left alone.

But when both things happens and you stay strong and go through it, people will call you heartless.

Now, it all will change when you stand up and make the best out of everything single shit that had happened to you. At that moment, you know you are not defeatable. And nothing can bring you down.

Owing Gucci, LV, Prada, DKNY or any other richie rich brands ain't gonna make you as great as being yourself and standing strong :)

My day.

2010-04-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

Wondering why is it my day today???

Let me tell u why. First, I got a new phone. T707 (RM 590)... I know, cheap phone. But my theory is this, I never use a phone for more than a yr... so, a RM590 phone for me is good enough! Better still, its pink! woohoo!

Second, my 'P' license is here!!! weeeeee~!

So there u have :) my happy day :)

Tired.

2010-04-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

Wow!!! Being a driver ain't easy! My eyes are like super tired from all those driving!

Anyways, I know I promised pictures... but not today alright? I'm really exhausted! By tomorrow night, there will be pictures!

Btw, I'll be going to town tomorrow. Gonna get a new phone hopefully. As you guys know, my last phone fell into the toilet bowl. So the only way now is to get a new phone. Cause sister's phone is also a little off. So yeah, but what phone should I get??? Suggestions please :X...

Also, I wanna shop for formal clothes. Ever since the trial, I realized nothing in my wardrobe is appropriate for presentations! So... SHOPPING TIME! heheh!

I'm a little joker.

2010-04-16T17:25:00.000-07:00

LoLxXx... Internet went down for abit which made me lazy to blog... but yeah.. lets summarize what I did for the past few days ever since I passed my driving test.

I did nothing actually except for going to college, being crazy! But oh! Wait! On Wednesday, I was a lawyer.. Cool huh?? Its just this mock trial that we had to do for Sociology class... I lost the case. But I loved the whole process of it. And also, I realized I was a very bad leader... one of my membersactually had flash back while working on the trial and I didn't even notice. Sorry dear. Hope you're better now :) Anyways, back to the trial. Seth (the prosecution attorney) was good. And though he kicked my butt during the trial, I still love him. My team (the defendant team) was okay with the losing thing I guess... but the thing is, my team members were nice to me. They were hard working and lovable! In short, I love my Soc classmates :)

And as for friday, daily friday routine. Went dinner with my babe and hunks. Adrian, Jia Zhen and Simon joined us this time... we joked n laughed and I almost burst Adrian's eardrums! I screamed each time he started to speed around the housing area... hehehehe! He hasn't changed abit... still playful and would love to do the opposite of wudeva I say... =.=" Aaron and Carmen was superb last night! I was teasing Carmen bout her 'scratched' baby (her white swift). And I had fun tickling Aaron and Adrian! Didn't know they were afraid of it! Cool :) I like it when guys get ticklish.. hehehe!

Kk.. enough of updating for now.. will upload pictures of the trial and dinner with them ASAP alright :) Loves!

I passed :)

2010-04-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

Afina passed her driving test. I know its unbelievable! But believe it people. Cause I did it :)

Thanks for all the blessings and I appreciated it alot!!!

Tomorrow will be another hectic day for me... but loads of pictures will be taken tomorrow! So, stay tuned peeps! LOVES!

Driving test.

2010-04-12T15:03:00.000-07:00

Okie... no, I've not taken the test. But I will today. Hopefully mine is in the morning then I'll feel much better. Anyways, wish me luck! Loves!

Happy Me.

2010-04-11T15:14:00.000-07:00

I may be slow in growing up. But hey! Taking one step at a time is way better than rushing into things. Cause, after every step, I'll get to enjoy the good times and escape the bad ones... whereas if you rush, not only you don't get to enjoy good things but you avoid problems too :P

I know where I'm heading. And to save your eyes, from now on... its all happy posts :) No promises but I'll try :) Cause I know we all miss the happy-go-lucky type of me :)

Till then, cheer up and put on a smile! Cause Earth won't stop just for you! :DDD

I'm married :)

2010-04-11T05:23:00.000-07:00

I got married to my high school bestie on facebook... his name is Aaron Chang.

But even so, its only on facebook :P not in reality! heheh!

I read...

2010-04-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

To you, not telling me what you're hiding makes no difference than telling me. You keep asking me to grow up. But how I do it when I don't know whats going on? But fortunately, not only you knows. Others know it too. So in the end, I managed to find out. Not only that, he himself admitted it.

I do not hate you and I'm not mad at you. Neither am I mad at him too. But its just that I can't find myself treating not only him normally. But you too. You may think you've done nothing wrong. And I wouldn't say you have too. But you chose to trigger everything at a very wrong time.

I can't say much. And I won't either. I'll just tell you that I've let go. And I wish you let go too. There is also no point asking about me. I know you did look for my 'classmate' and ask bout me and all. No point. I told you before. I tell him everything the moment things happen. And you did say before you don't like him. So let it go alright.

Whereas between me and 'him'. Don't have to worry. He won't hurt me. As much as he had lied to me, I know myself. He won't hurt me.

But you, please let everything go. Your world doesn't revolve around mine. So does mine. Mine doesn't revolve around yours. Thank you.

Dead tired.

2010-04-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

I'm seriously exhausted from all the assignments and work! Its crazy! I never knew there was so much to pay for skipping A Levels or Poly. Just because I want to graduate faster, this is what I have to pay. Damn!

But nevertheless, it had help me gained some new friends and obviously had help me grow up. I realize now, there is no one else that would be the exact same clone of the other.

Just several months back, when I was around Des, Shana, Danah and Guannie, I thought everyone else was just like us. Stressed up when its exam time, face a couple of love issues but apart from all these, we're just regular students running a regular life with happy faces and epic moments!

But now, I'm proved wrong. As much as I hate hipocrits, there are more here! As much as I hate backstabbers, there are even more here! I sometimes wish that I could go back to kindergarten and play Lego and be ignorant of what is going on around me. Or maybe just reverse this couple of months would be good enough.

Behind all these, I thank God for giving me lovely friends who are willing to give me never ending support. And I know, if I title them as 'BFF', Wah Lung would say 'Bullshit!' ... who cares :)

Friends that had been through smiley times and bad times with me. Friends I appreciate and love. Friends that would never be traded for anything in the world even if given a throne!
Carmen, Aaron - Form 1 friends...
XiuWen, WahLung - Friends since 4...
Des, Shana - Declared friends in Sec 3 (Form 4)
Danah, Guannie - Friends since Sec 2 (Form 3)
Vebi, Devina, Cindy, Lisa - Friends since Sec 2
Maddie, Bayu, Alice - Friends since Sec 3

Thank you darlings. Thank you for all that you guys have done for me. I know it isn't easy entertaining me. I'm not only fussy but I'm also always filled with all sorts of issues. From head to toe, name it, you got it!

I know to Carmen and Aaron, I've still got a long way! Though you guys can't deny the fact that I've grown tougher!! :D To the both of you, I'm always confused and needs alot of care and protection. I'm like a little girl to the both of you. Carmen is always advising on me on my problems. While Aaron is always ensuring I'm safe and healthy. You both will never let me make the wrong decision. And I always feel safer whenever you guys are around. WahLung and XiuWen... You both do listen. But the thing is, I always get scolded by you two whenever I slip a thing or two :S *so fierce*.. hehe! But I know WahLung cares super duper much for me too. You're always hating those that eventually becomes my boyfriend. And now I know why. Cause they're all jerks... right??? Next time, I'll ask you before declaring anyone my boyfriend okie :D Whereas for XiuWen, enough nagging la... I know I'm childish... but no more nagging okie! I will be a goody girl. No more nonsense. Promise. :D

Carmen, Aaron, WahLung, XiuWen! You four are one of the greatest thing that God give me :D Love you monkeys to bits!!

Collapse

2010-04-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Work after work. Assignments after assignments. Afina is officially sick! :(

Thank you very much!

2010-04-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

Makasih Bayu. Thank you for always there for me. :) Glad you're always here! Thanks for calling when I really needed to talk to someone! Thanks alot!

Thanks Aaron and Carmen for always ensuring that I'm on the right track! I will never trade you guys for anything in the world but I would trade whatever I have for you guys!

Bayu, Aaron, Carmen... Thanks. Alot!

Thanks also to EngShiang, Adeline, PY, YongJie and Lyn for kindda listening to me and trying to help :DD

Thanks to everyone for the never ending support and encouragement!

To my babes and hunks!

2010-04-09T03:03:00.000-07:00

To those that I've known and loved and stood by me, there's something which I want to say to you dear(s).
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS!
May all of you pass with flying colors!!! JIA YOU BA!

SERIOUSLY???

2010-04-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

Seriously, do you think I'm an eight year old bimbo with no brains of my own? Are you for real???

At 9.20am, you admitted you liked another girl apart from me regardless of all the promises you've made! So much for, 'Babeyy, let me do this; let me do that; I miss you; I'm worried bout you.' Not just these, there are many more!!!

At 9.10pm, you called again. 'Babeyy, you seriously don't want to talk to me again?' ; 'Are you angry?'... Let me tell you something, 'Don't you ever come 'babeyy' me again!' I ain't your toy and I ain't no bimbo!

At 6.30am... 'I can't sleep'... I thought I cared... or YOU thought I cared. I'm sorry. I don't! Wait, I don't have to be sorry. You call me early in the morning to tell me about your sleepless night because you were thinking about me, you don't wanna lose me, you still care for me alot... Hey! Watch it! Cause I don't want to freeking care anymore! You may be a good friend. But definately not a good boyfriend!

I recall now those times when you would get mad each time I hang out with my friends(guys) and all. I feel dumb now for feeling guilty. Wanna know why? Cause at least I know clearly that I take them as friends and that you know I'm going out with them and not secretly falling for them like what you're doing to me!

A friend of ours even asked, 'Whats the problem of him liking two girls at once? Its not like there's anything between you two.'

Obviously, you have not been honest even to our friends huh??? So whats the point of calling me early morning and telling me all those bulls and craps when its pointless...

*Phew*... much better

Please... don't mess it just for the fun of it. Cause messing with people's feelings, ain't fun at all!

P/S: Thanks PY, Aiman and Adeline for listening to me yesterday!
P/S: ...And thanks to you for making me realise that its about time for me to open my eyes and grow up!

I have to and must.

2010-04-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

I'm not letting all my effort go to waste! I'm not gonna let you ruin everything I've got.

I tried calling you, you ignore my calls. I texted you, there wasn't any reply. I tried MSN, you just won't reply. I sometimes wonder your whereabouts. You re-assure me and said you were busy. I said I heard girl's voice at the background, you said it was from the table next to yours.

I trusted you so much. But this is what I get in return??? Lies after lies. Thanks alot!

I've made up my mind. I have to and must let you go. Nothing is more important than myself.

I've opened the door. Now its your turn to do your part and leave. Thank you.

What is meant to be, meant to be ...

2010-04-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday didn't turn out perfectly btw... though I had the nice dinner and all... the night kindda ended in such a way that makes me wanna cry but yet slap myself and say, 'Hey! There's better things to do!' Anyways... out of topic!!

A friend of mine called me last night. He's my close close close friend in Singapore. We shared alot of experiences together. Ups and downs. We encourage each other when either one 'can't move further'. I was always stressed out in studies and I always thought about giving up. But he stayed by me and encouraged me all the way. And I owe my success partially to him. It was up to a point whereby I felt like just not studying, do it and get over it. But he said no. He made me made a promise that I'll try my very best to do the very best and get into TJC at least.

But when he called me yesterday and was so stressed out and I heard him cry over the phone, I felt selfish. I was always into myself thinking I was the only one with stress and feelings that I forgotten that he was human too.

Here's the story... His girlfriend is currently in Canada while he is in Singapore. His girlfriend has been ignoring his calls and text messages and not until yesterday, he found out a really heartbreaking news. His girlfriend says that she no longer find a spark between them and was bored with him. She wants to go on an open relationship whereby they do whatever they want sortta thing. But he heard all this from the girlfriend's friend.

Now the problem is that, he's afraid to ask his girlfriend if its true because he's afraid that what the friend say is true. His girlfriend for 4 years... The girl whom the love with every bit of his heart.

But there's no point avoiding it anymore. What is meant to be, meant to be. You might not ask her now. But she'll soon tell u right in your face! If you two are really fated, release her, set her free. When she's done looking at the world outside, she'll come home, back to you.

Gw tau loe syg ama dia. Loe bs aja buat apa2 aja utk dia. Tapi kalau nih uda jd kenyataan, loe hrs 'face the problem' bkn lari darinya. Bila loe blg ama gw loe stress, gw ikutin stress. Bila loe sedih, gw ikut sedih jg. Loe syg ama dia, dia ga hargai, loe sedih + stress. Yg syg loe gmn? Qt ga kenal lama. But long enough for me to know you inside out!

Bayu, you know you can always reach out to me. I'm a slow runner! But the problem is, do you wanna catch up and lead the way like you used to. Or are you leaving me to finish this race myself? You are capable of achieving much more in life. Are you going to put a stop to it? What happened to the promises we made? What happened to the bet we made? Move ahead of everyone else Bayu. Move.

Weekends :)

2010-04-04T03:10:00.000-07:00

Saturday
Oh well, as usual... Saturday is the day I have dinner outside with my parents! Sis went over to K Ma's (god-grandma) place. So yeah. Was down with Dad, Mum and I. We went to 'Milwaukee' which was located in Balakong. The food was bad considering the price we paid for. But anyways, it was pretty much okie. I ordered 'Cordin Bleu' which was not really a recommended dish but it has a special meaning to me :)
The rest of the days was pretty much wasted on sleeping and facebook-ing.

Sunday
Which is also today. I woke up at like 7.45am!!! I don't know why... but its either insomnia is getting to me or there's something that is bothering me again. Its really abnormal for a 'pig' like me to sleep for like 7 hrs and say 7 hrs is enough of sleep!
I woke up, I went online and facebook-ed again. Then I was too bored... so i decided to mess around with my nails! But apparently, I spoilt it so I had to cut it all short! :X
After which I went downstairs, grabbed a couple of snacks while waiting for mum to come home from the market so that I could go get breakfast. And by 12pm, she came home and I drove out for breakfast together with mum!
Came home, decided to upload all overdue pictures I owe people on facebook and sleep again!
When I woke up and go downstairs to watch TV, mum asked me to drive out ALONE to the shoplots to get her and dad stuff!! FIRST TIME! DRIVING OUT ALONE WITHOUT EVEN PASSING MY DRIVING TEST YET!
So I did, and came home safely... otherwise I wouldn't be blogging :D and yup! Thats all that happened :P
View more pics on FB okie :)

p/s.. I'm in such good mood today :P

Lets Just Let It Go.

2010-04-02T18:48:00.000-07:00

Sick and tired.

I'm really sick of you telling me you don't know what I want when I'm not tying you down. Sick of arguements over little things like 'what is my/your blog about'.

I'm really tired. There's no stop to every arguement until you see tears. Tired of going through the problems over and over again.

You and I know the reasons why I wouldn't commit myself. I don't wish to cause I wouldn't want to be distracted from what I am doing. Each time I say 'let go', you'll hold it back. But after you do so, you say it 'feels wrong'. As if whatever I do isn't helping. If it was the old me, I would really want someone to accept me for who I am.

But you want me to change to someone more desirable. I stare blankly into space and ask myself deep down inside, 'Do I really want to change?'. For myself, 'No'. But for you, 'Yes'.

Yet I ask myself another question, 'Does it mean he loves you for you or he loves you only after you change?'. This, I can't answer.

You can control your temper and mood for you ex-girlfriends, but not for me. I question that too. You said you don't understand why young couples argue over little things. Well, both of us do too. We argue four times a week!

You keep saying you're mad at me for breaking several principals of yours that you've held on to for so long; but you can't youself getting mad at me cause you love me.

You are always suspecting things. I'm just 18! I want to explore more beyond my ability! There's so many other things I want to do and see. And I can't do it as long as I still have you in me.

As much as I wish to be with you, I'm letting you go. I've had enough.

Feelings?

2010-04-02T07:52:00.000-07:00

You may be very disappointed in me right now. I won't blame you for it. But all I can say is that... I always mess things up. I know you're fed up with all that happened. I have nothing to say but 'Sorry'.
I don't know how I feel right now. I feel as if you are important to me. But I want you out of my life because you always make me speechless and the teasing and all is getting kind of tiring. The ignorance kills.
There is never ending 'if' and 'but' from me. I know I messed up. Sorry.

*I love to fly about freely in the sky looking at things that aren't mine. When I turn away from things that belongs to me, I feel relieved and free. But when what is mine is all gone, no matter how much I regret, I know whatever that is done can never be undone.*

*Same goes to the life we all live with pride. We thought we live a life which is worth a lifetime. But not until we are on our death beds, we'll realise we have not lived a life.*

*Baby, you know I love you so much I wouldn't want to let you go. But when things are not only messed up, but its also not meant to be, baby you know its time to set it free. I'll be here waiting. Waiting for a day where the sun will shine with the skies of blue and you get down on your knees and tell me I'm the one you want to spend your life with. But I know it will never happen. Cause you and I both know, we're from different worlds living in another world which we'll soon be worlds apart.*

What are feelings compared to actions? What are actions compared to a true heart? What is a true heart compared to the one you love? All above all, is anything comparable to seeing your loved one living a life? A life which one enjoys and is happy with.

Lazy Bum!

2010-03-31T06:21:00.000-07:00

CYPRIAN JUSTIN LEE COULD HAVE BEEN LATE FOR HIS TEST AT 4PM IF IT WASN'T FOR ME WHO WOKE HIM UP!

BUTTHOLE!

2010-03-30T23:39:00.000-07:00

CYPRIAN JUSTIN LEE IS AN ASSHOLE!

Desi, Shana, Guannie, Danah!

2010-03-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

Kiddy kiddos, I'll be going over in May!! Loads of catching up to do.
BTW Desi, it is official! I've gained freedom. I'm single again! And about the guy I told you, he's off my mind! Mr.Perfect is too good to be true. I mean, how perfect can perfect get? In the end, I gotta travel again... so, no point! I wanna live life to the fullest!
Shana, Guannie, Danah!! When starting Poly??? Can't wait for PJs day! :S Danah.. u gotta tell me earlier so that I make time to get you your contact lenses! Guannie, take care of my dear Danah... Shana n Desi... tell me once you guys get into the dance CCA!! record practices for me to see!!! I miss you people like crazy sometimes! I miss all the fun yet stupid moments we had! I miss the times when we have to guess if Guannie is coming to school or is Danah late for school. I miss the times when we scolded Guanan for no more MCs, but the next second, I'm the one thats being nagged at. =.=
I miss it when we go for movies together! Especially the 'Jonas Brothers' 3D thingy when we had to run under the rain to get over to Plaza Sing after the movie! Or HSM 3!! Hannah Montana!! We had fun and we created loads of memories... transfering wasn't easy for me. But I thank God every was cleared between us towards the end!
Remember how we used to hate each other and backstab one another? Its amazing that all of us became the best-est friends of all.

Des, when BJ told me you cried through the phone while telling him how worried you were for me after I left, I felt happy. Not because you cried. But because I know I won't regret knowing you as my bestie/closest/greatest friend. You stood by me, you nagged at me. But what made this friendship really special was not only the care and love we pour into it. But also the story behind it. Each time I think of how much we 'hated' each other in the beginning but became close towards the end, never fails to enlighten my day. Even the times near O Levels, you never fail to motivate me to study harder. Memories between us remains. Days of cheerleading, 17 Mag event, costume hunting, graduation, Starbucks, Math classes... its all priceless.

Shana, how's my teddy doing there? I miss you dear. I miss those times when you tell me the disadvantages of being tall. LOLX!
Fina: Why must guys be so short!
Shana: Ha! Thats ahy I'm fun-size! hahahah!
ORRRRRRRRR
Fina: Dyam it! *complains about anything*
Shana: Ha! In your face! hahahahah!
Shana is always filled with craziness. Remember taking pictures late at night outside Kallang Leisure Park singning 'Raindrops on my head'? Tormenting Des? Bullying Des or disturbing her when studying in the library? You were one lovely chairman! Funny one actually. For the first time I see chairman hyper like crazy and make noise =.= ! Hehehe! Iloveyou sayang!

Guannie... what can I say bout you? You were literally absent most of the time in Sec 4. And your excuses are always about the same: headache,leg cramp, backache, flu, fever, cough, soarthroat! Lolx! And you seriously missed POA paper. You are one daring one! Hopefully you've gotten rid of the love for spiders or 'ka chuak'! You're creepy... but Iloveyou!

Danah! I guess if we didn't go for the China Student Exchange Program, we'll never love each other. Between you and me, there's alot... we always have ups and downs, lefts and rights... but I'm glad at least till now, we're still close friends. Wah Lung and all are out from NS. Carmen, JinRui and all started college. Well, actually almost all of us started. You better come quickly if you wanna see them before they go off abroad! And no more being late fore classes once Poly starts alright! No more epic moments please! hehehe!

Des, Shana, Guannie, Danah... just like what Miss Nur said before, 'We are different and we always think we're different. But there is one thing we have in common. We're afraid of failure.' Now that we've all moved on to a new phase of life, I can't say much but ILOVEYOU people alot! Thank you for being there for me always! Including throwing my junks when I'm to pack! :P You four painted my high school life nicely and I promsie to keep the picture deep down my heart :)!

See you dears in May!

Bayu Saputra, Alice Doang, Madeline Chia...

2010-03-29T13:32:00.000-07:00

Bayu,post nih buat loe syg... loe tau ga..BM gw dibilang jelek :(((
anyways, gw nyeseeeeeelllllllll ga masuk Poly/JC :( stress gilerx gw disini.. ga ada yg mau temenin fina ke library lg... ga ada yg temen fina gila2 lg... they're are nice ppl though :) tp ga ada 'homey' feeling lg :( ga ada lg yg fhm perasan fina. mau nangis, ga bs, mau tawa, salah jg...
apalagi disini... banyak yg kyk si N*****a tuh... ishhhh~! geram gw bl nampak muka dia! pgn bgt gw tampar muka dia, hancurkan dia, theeeennnnn baru gw kasih ama anjing yg kat tepi jln tuh.. yg udah lapar buat bertahun2!!! Bayu.. ke US ama fina doinnkkxxx... :( sedih gw tiap kali terfikir masa kat sg... :(( kalau disuruh pilih sekali lg, gw ga mungkin balik sini... lebih mending gw stress di JC... nyesel Bayu :(
gw bakal plg sg in May :S meet up by then yarhhxxx.. byk yg harus gw ceritain.. pasal cewek,cowok,lecturer,bi*c*,stress,buku... apa2 aje yg lg bermain di fikirin fina yg blm matang nih yaaaa!!! and please... on9 donkkk!! loe kyk ga pernah on9 gitu! susah tau ga kalau mau cari loe! dari dulu sampai skarang! sama ajaaaa!!! suuuusssaaaaahhh! bikin stress aja! :(
miss u syg... i speak it as i type okieeee.... cuz it reminds me of how funny we were.. always out of words in either language... kalau ngomong indo, pasti campur eng.. if we speak in eng.. there's definately a mixture of indo... i miss dinners with u, and bus rides, torturing you, u motivating me.
i still remember our promise lohhh... ga boleh putus asa!! harus buat yg terbaik.. kalau udah yg terbaik tp masih ga bs.. gpp.. but we always believe we could make it thru things at the worst time of life. makasih Bayu... I tried searching for another Bayu.. tp ga ada... no one is like you... ga ada yg bs gila2 ama fina kayak Bayu...
they are nice, friendly and warm... semua baek aja ama fina... but the 'homey' feeling we used to hve in sg.. is not found here..

ALICE!!! mummy :) proud of my mummy running for student council!! enjoying JC?? why serangoon?? so farrrr.... :(( neways, ur daughter here is stressed up to a point whereby she can't do anything anymore... if i could turn back time.. i will choose to go to Poly/JC... but the thing is, I can't. People in my uni are really vry nice. They treat me like their younger sister. Just like how it was in DHSH :) I'm glad to hve them as friends. But I miss you guys alot! There are several girls though who are like N*****a... and seriously, I dunno how to deal with them? Good thing is, my health is getting better! I got sick several times.. but so far, hvn't admit to hospital yet! huahahah! Alice, lets go to a faraway land and enjoy shopping again! People here are unpredictable... I dunno.. I tried going to the library n all.. but I can't.. no more study time. no more relax time... my times are all so mixed up! My grades are dropping again. Sometimes, I really wish my fairy god mother could give me another alice n maddie to teach me... no point regretting when wud is done is done. But towards the end, I noe I love my friends here too :) They make me smile at worst of times. miss u mummy! muaxxxx!

Madeline Chia!!! u buttocks la! when are u exactly coming bak to kl? bring ur uniform bak!! remember!!! i wanna feel the pride in NJ uniform!!! hate u for getting in! but u noe i love you loads.. bet u can read indo n eng right.. so u just read wud i wrote for bayu n alice la... then u'll noe wuds goin on in my life! so that when u come bak, we dun waste too much time on catching up but we spend more time on shopping! OK???? n btw.. driving test on apr 13!! wish me luck! and oh oh! i'm free! :P u n i noe wud it means! be good n study hard! i noe ur capable of it! and if u still remember how to B*tc* around, tell me... help me out! cuz i noe how to handle one N*****a but not several N*****a(S) with a capital 'S'! i love you my biyotch!n stop being a butt and come back already b4 u get brain washed n permanently stays there! muax muax!

OVERALL, you three made my life in sg an easier one to live with! You guys are irreplacable!

I Miss Our Times...

2010-03-29T12:02:00.000-07:00

3 years passed just like this. You and I have learnt to grow and set things aside. We're both now friends. Friends that are somehow stranger to one another. Each time you're around me, I ask myself, 'Did I make the right decision?' Each time you walk pass me with your group of friends, it reminds me of the times when you would stay back extra time with my friends while I train on the field just to see me for ten minutes. You would take all opportunity to see me. You brought tears to me. And you cleared them too.
Seeing you happy convinces me that I was right to leave you. But thinking about those that we've gone through at that point of time... made me think twice. Its all over and it is now part of the bits and pieces that form my past.
What do I have to say for myself? Nothing except for I was an immature naive little girl. I hurt you and I wish I could mend it. But its all too late for that feelings for me has fade.
At some point of time, we'll all have to learn to let go. So I guess thats it. We remain as friends. Friends that share a common past.

Wake Up!

2010-03-27T15:52:00.000-07:00

Splash me with an icy cold water please! Wake me up from my fantasy world that is falling apart and drag me back to reality.
Fantasy falling apart yet dreaming.. lolx! Ironic. Dreams were always the perfect fantasy land. Mine isn't... mine's the total opposite. I'm pissed in my dream. Mr.Perfect didn't turn out to be anywhere near perfect. Wake me up! Cause I've got a life to live.
How is this game played? I have zero idea. How do I feel? I feel as if I could just stomp up and give him a slap right across his face and walk out of his life once and for all. But each time I'm about to that, I feel my heart beat racing n my heart starts shattering.
I'm sorry... but FUCK IT!!! Go SCREW YOURSELF!!! YOU'RE ALWAYS LEAVING ME IN UNCERTAINITY!!! YOU MIGHT SAY WAITING FOR ME TO COMMIT IS LIKE ME GETTING AN 'A' FOR CALCULUS. BUT TO GET AN ANSWER FOR YOU IS LIKE WAITING FOR SNOW TO HAPPEN IN MALAYSIA. FUCK IT MAN... SCREW ALL OF THIS!

Afina, you promised yourself to never fall for anyone else... but what is all this? It is about time for you to wake up. Cause he ain't the only one. There are many more who loves you. Those who are willing to give you unconditional love. Wake up... it is time to leave your fantasy and live reality.

Living Life !

2010-03-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

Life is seriously filled with ups and downs. And just about now, I feel as if I'm at the worst of times. I know, it isn't like me at all! The Afina people see everyday laughs and smiles regardless of occasion and event. She just loves to bring the best out of the worst.
But now I realise, there is a limit to whatever I do. I can no longer hold on to these laughters and smiles. Shyt happened and I thought I could just go with the flow and everything would be fine. But I can't. In fact, the old me is coming back. I don't want it to be this way.
What happened to determination adn endurance? Have I really entirely forgotten what it is now that I am to start building my path on my own?
Few days back, bestie said, 'We are really worried about you going all the way to INTI yourself you know.' I answered confidently, 'Don't worry. I'm different now. I can handle anything that comes in my way.' And she said this, 'You know how you are and you know what happens each time you go to a new school. You're just like a baby who needs loads of care.'
At that moment, I start thinking... maybe I really do. What do I know about living life. Ever since primary, I had people ready to catch me in case I fall. I had my clique of loves till we seperated after primary 6. Then I moved on to high school and I found Carmen, Aaron, Xiu Wen and Wah Lung. They never leave me alone. Carmen always checked out on me to make sure I wasn't bullied. Aaron was always updated with my health status reminding me to get medication. Xiu Wen was always ready to accompany me in the park on the swing to be my listening ear and let me pour out all my sadness. Wah Lung was always making sure I don't fall for a dumb guy who just wants to cheat on me.
The four of them didn't give up on me even after I left the school in Form 2 and even after I went to Singapore in Form 3. Carmen was even hell worried about me going to college alone. Cause she knows I never get real friends but I get alot of people hating me instead. I ensured her I would be fine.
But I'm sorry to let you guys down. I guess I still need the protection and care from you guys. I haven't grown. Not a bit.
What can I say? I know that life isn't 'a bed of roses'... but I'm simply not capable of taking care of myself yet. I still need people ready to catch me. Call me naive, call me dumb, call me a bimbo, call me whatever you like. I will admit I am just it. Cause, what do we all know about living life?

Between two...

2010-03-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

Between 'love' and 'friends'. Take your pick.
If I said 'Love', people would be like 'she isn't true to her friends. She cares more about her boyfriend.'
If I were to say 'Friends', people would respond in this way, 'Ya right... as if you would. I bet the moment you have a boyfriend, you would forget us.'
See how ironic things are? It is really ridiculous.
Love, to many is the love for your partner. But what if I put it this way, love is also applied for the friends you care most. You can't say you love someone unless you really care for that someone. Even if you care, it doesn't mean love. Love is just something that is undefinable.
Whereas friends, is just about the same. Some people think that friends the ones who help you. And those that bitches about you are your enemies or some sort. But what if I turn it around and say that those bitches help you more than yourself. Why say so? Simple. When someone who is a bitch spreads rumours about you just to bring you down, you'll stand stronger just to prove this person wrong. So this 'enemy' of yours is helping you indirectly! :) So, is this person considered as a friend to you? Think about it :)
'Love' and 'Friends' may seem like two different things. But there's definately something similar about them. Which is when you fail in either 'love' or 'friendship',you'll feel your world crashing down. So lets look at things from a differrent perspective.
Love, does not only apply to BGR (Boy-Girl Relationship). It applies to friends too. So when you fail in your relationship, bare in mind that you still have your friends to look out for you.
Alternatively, when you realise your best friend turns out to be the 'bitch', stay strong cause she isn't the only one that loves you. Your family loves you more than anyone could love you. :)
Either or, key point is to be strong, have faith in yourself and believe in every action and thoughts of yours.
Every failure is a chance to succeed.

FUN ~!

2010-03-24T08:50:00.000-07:00

Hey hey! Okie..First time I haven't updated for a day this year... but anyways, ain't gonna talk much. Will just let the pictures do most of the talking alright!

Have to know information:

Event : Jan, 2010 O'Night Celebration

Venue : Sepang Gold Coast

Date : Mar. 24, 2010

Thats all :)

The Sceneries :) <3

The Shadows of People Behind the Cameras

From left : Fendy. Afina . Eng Shiang . Kok Hoe.

From left : Afina . Fendy . Eng Shiang .

From left : Afina . Fendy . Eng Shiang

Most left is obviously without a camera =.= Name : Ah Chua

From left : Ah Chua . Afina . Fendy . Eng Shiang .

The PRO(S) That Night :)

Afina . Eng Shiang

Fendy . Afina

Kok Hoe . Afina

Finally, the people... not all. But they are the people that made it worth a night!

Shaarmen . Afina

Hilary . Usman

From left : Jason . Shaarmen . Usman . Eng Shiang . Pang Yean .

Social Board People

Sweetie couple : Andrew . Hilary

From left : Hilary . Adeline . Afina . Christine .

*Credits to Ken Pun

From left : Hilary . Adeline . Afina .

* Credits to Ken Pun

From left : Afina . Eng Shiang . Adeline

* Credits to Ken Pun

From left : Afina . Adeline . Eng Shiang

Kevin . Afina

Afina . Adeline

Usman . Afina

Pang Yean . Afina

Hilary . Andrew

Shaarmen

From left : Pang Yean . Jason . Usman . Shaarmen

Standing from left :Shaarmen . Jason . Pang Yean . Christine . Eng Shiang . Adeline . Usman .

Sitting from left : Cyprian . Hilary . Andrew .

Afina . Hilary

Eng Shiang

Hilary

Pang Yean

Hilary

From left : Pang Yean . Usman . Jason .

Hilary . Andrew

Note: Those who wants all the pictures, please pass me your pendrive and I'll copy it for you :))

Finally, thanks to Fendy, Kok Hoe and Eng Shiang for guiding me in using my own camera XD

Turn around

2010-03-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

Des, Singapore trip in May for 3 days again! This time, can we cry already? I miss you at times like this. You would hug me and tell me that all this is happening cause I'm too good for them. I miss the laughter we had... I can't stand on my own Des... I give up. I regret coming back.

It hurts

2010-03-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

It really hurts when I have to turn my back against you and leave...

My Turtle

2010-03-22T19:06:00.000-07:00

YongJie aka YJ aka Turtle :)
Despite me calling him a turtle, he seem to be the fastest to update himself with my blog :S
Morning message, 'Why do you sound sad+angry?' and 'You sound so serious.'
Seriously, I don't think I can ever get mad with my turtle :S He is just so adorable! *not in a baby way adorable but adorable in way whereby he makes me smile* Wait till I get a good picture of him and I'll post it :)
Speaking 'bout pictures, next post, I think its about time for me to post pictures of my uni babes and hunks ! Trust me, you'll love them! :D And while you're viewing those pictures, take note of Hilary's poses and Pang Yean's (PY) expression. They both have like the cutest face and expression among all people I've known so far. And you can't miss out on Iverine's (Mummy) too! Wait... since I'm on this, why not just introduce them without pictures first :)
Okie, there's not many, just a number :)
1. Pang Yean (PY) - He's a natural sweet talker
2. Jason - Natural joker... not much from him, but a good number to make my day
3. Ali - Trust me, guys envy him, girls die for him *some kill him*
4. Usman - My partner in O'Night. Major poser but love him!
5. Christine - Quiet, shy and friendly
6. Hilary - Guys would go crazy after her while girls would die to be in her body!
7. Bobby - Friendly and a good dancer when it comes to the dance floor in a club.
8. Adeline (Mummy) - Sweet young lady who does hyper when she's sleepy :D
9. Iverine (Mummy) - Fragile and very lovable ! *I would kill to get her curls!*
10. Shaarmen (Daddy) - Crazy, fun at times... but don't mess with him when he's angry.
11. Andrew (Daddy) - Hilary's boyfriend. And I would want to have his skin tone! He's just so fair!
12. Kevin (Grandpa) - Forever on FB and is always lack of updates!
13. Cyprian (Great-Grandpa) - He is what people say in cantonese, 'Sam Pat'... lolx
14. Yong Jie (Turtle) - You all already know :D

Thats almost about it... and if you are wondering why mum and dad... its because they were the modelling co-ordinators for O'Night and were teaching 10 participants catwalk :) With that, I guess you can figure out the grandpa n great-grandpa theory right :D Guess thats about it!

Gotta go! Classssss!!!

Never looking back...

2010-03-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

When was the last time I felt my heart pound really quickly? When was the last time I felt my heart being stabbed? I couldn't remember... but just yesterday, I felt as if my world came crumbling down and I could barely catch my breathe. My heartbeat was so fast I could barely count. The pain on my chest was indescribable. But try imagining a jeep on top of ur chest. The suffer and pain for that moment.
I'm learning. I admit I'm a girl who has yet to learn to walk on my own. But I'm learning. I'm learning to let go, learning to hold my head up high and walk the walk, learning to accept reality...
You've been one of the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. But its all over. What is done is done. Two words, 'MOVE ON'. Yet, what hurts me most is not the fact that we losing our chances to be together. But you treating me 'normally' from 'exception' in just a snap. I wonder, doesn't it hurt you when you change instantly? I wonder if you feel the same pain as me when you say 'good night' and close the conversation though you know the other person is not actually going to bed?
No more wondering, no more guessing, no more me and you. I'M NEVER LOOKING BACK.
I lost in the name of this game called 'LOVE'...

Just Me

2010-03-22T06:21:00.000-07:00

Crying inside for something that doesn't belong to me...
Screaming for help after its all done...
Please come and set me free...
Free for once and for all...

BLUR ME :)

2010-03-22T05:26:00.000-07:00

Well, as always, I'm the careless little 'princess' at home... not just careless actually. I'm really forgetful too. Anyways, I drove out to the shoplots today. And when driving home, I was so looking into the side mirror, I didn't realize I was about to hit the car infront ! OMGOODNESS!
Not just that, I almost dropped my god-grandma's phone into the toilet bowl today at uni... LoLxXx!
Seriously... I'm like a blur...
Or when I finished lab class today, as I walked out the door, I kicked the bucket filled with instruments and I nearly fell :(
Or when I was so engrossed doing IDK what, I broke another nail :(
Or when I was walking along Block B, for some reasons, I almost hit my head towards the wall :S
I admit... I am one blur queen... NATURALLY :S

Chitty Chatty

2010-03-21T03:16:00.000-07:00

Was on MSN the whole day today...
Of course, how can I ever miss out on my darling Carmen and dearie Pang Yean... :) Carmen said she's gonna get me a dancer bf so that I start dancing again. While Pang Yean, he spammed my chatbox!!!!
But today, someone special; Yong Jie and I chatted like mad... he made me sad, but I made him laugh... crazy right??? LoLxXxXx... funny chat but mad...
Conclusion: Both of us had one crazy chat whereby we get to laugh at each other~! And I felt so much better after the chitty chatty session!

A Brand New Beginning

2010-03-20T17:11:00.000-07:00

Well, my blog title says it all this time... A Brand New Beginning :)
I know I haven't been blogging for abit... and some, might not even be able to find it ever since... I don't know :) I deleted my blog at one time, but i undeleted it yesterday. Pang Yean (my friend from my university) said he wanted to read... so I undeleted.
After that, I had the tendency to read my own posts. The reason I deleted was because it holds too much of drama. Too many memories which some I wish to let go. But I've realized this after reading one of my posts, 'To let go, is to face it.' So I'm gonna let my blog stay alive.
I know, its dull and all. But no worries. Give me a week top and I'll give it a new fresh look~!

Anyways, new beginning, new life~!
Name : Afina Kong Yi Xuan
Age : 18
Status : Single
Current City : K.Lumpur, Malaysia
University : INTI Nilai
Course : American Degree Transfer Programme
Major : Actuarial Science

I know I said i wanted to major Accountancy in Nottingham. But hey! Change of mind :) And I don't regret attending INTI :) Though its like in the 'jungle', you get really nice people here~! Some of you might start thinking, 'AHHHHH! To Afina, everyone is nice. She's just another naive girl living in a 'barbie' world.'
But please scrape that thought off okay! Cause they are really nice people :D

Des, Shana, Danah, Guannie, Liwei and Faris. Now no more guessing bout whats going on~! I'll share my stories here :) I miss you people~! The moment poly starts, its time to carry out our 'PJ to class mission' :P ILoveYouPeopleToBits!

GTG. Sign out ! :)

schooling

2009-12-01T19:28:00.000-08:00

Holiday is almost over for me !!! XD
went to inti nilai yesterday to take a look at the campus and all.. it was sooo effing big !!! gosh !!! just imagine 10 - 15 chai chees coming together and forming one big piece of land !!! anyways.. thats not the point... i asked how many students were gonna be in a class... the answer was.. '80 if its a theatre !!!!' imagine 80 students in a hall !! all doing a common subject !!!!!! :S but if its a class, its only 25 max to a class :Dhahah
school starts on 4th jan.. and ends 11 mnths later.. in this 11 mnths, i hve to master 5 different subjects !! i hve to make sure i make it thru if i wanna make it to law school yr 1 in 2011 !!! and i HAVE to make it to law school !!
and finally, i wanna wish my dearest darling rashana...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHANA !!!! MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE !!! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE, YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU !!! I DID IT IN GREEN ON PURPOSE :D LOVE YOU MUCH !

i'm sorry

2009-11-29T06:13:00.000-08:00

SORRY TO MY DEAREST DARLINGS
1) DESIREE
2) RASHANA
3) GUANNIE
4) DANAH
5) RONALD CHUA
6) LIWEI
7) FARIS
8) SUDHANSHI
I guess I owe you guys an apology. I'm sorry to ruin the plan to start 'S Crew'. I'm sorry that we can no longer go in a group to watch newly released musicals and movies. I'm sorry to miss out on all the fun. I'm sorry for everything you can think of.
But my decision is final and school term is starting in January. You guys have made my days at Chai Chee worth living. I enjoyed irritating Desi each time. I enjoyed laughing like a maniac with Shana. I enjoyed gossiping with Sudhanshi. I enjoyed going for dinner after school with Guannie and Danah laughing at the un-glam moments. I enjoyed learning some cute dance moves from Ronald. I enjoyed the company of Liwei and Faris at BBQs doing stupid stuff. I will miss you guys. But I gotta do whats comfortable for myself. No matter how much fun it is there, my home is still back in KL. 5 years will be over quickly and we can start the 'S Crew' then. For now, we can all floss our dance moves to perfection ! :)
Thanks guys for always being there for me during the good and bad times. Lets have one last cup of Java Chip before I leave the next time k ! ILOVEYOU! And will always do ! You n I know it better than anyone else ! See you guys soon !

UPDATESSS!!!

2009-11-18T22:24:00.000-08:00

So, finally... back to where i belong ! Danah followed me back this time !
Anyways, just a tiny update bout grad day alright.. it was pretty fun n we enjoyed ourselves. Ms Nur wore our skul unifrom and was putting on an act wif guo rong ! it was blooodyyyy funny !!! But way way way way before the graduation ceremony, danah, guannie, des n shana had turned my room into a tornado-ed room!!! hahaha ! people putting on make up, straightening hair, wrapping prezzies, dressing up and blahxxx... and AFTER the ceremony, liwei, ronald, guannie, des, shana, danah & i went to starbucks for our all time fav java chip, mocha, choc thingy, new york cheesecake & oreo cheesecake ! we cam whored a little, joked and bid goodbyes before danah n i head for the airport!
and now, we're both spending girl time out going shopping, spa, massage, mani - pedi, dog parties and loads more !!! and today, my boyfriend is gonna bring us for movies and then we'll be heading town again for more shopping ! We even did our hair and danah is looking fabulous with her new hair style.. pretty glad my stylist didnt kill her hair ! but she has to go bak a mnth later to do it again for better outcome ! we even dyed our hair; danah's purple, mine's red + orange *freeky but it gives the perfect touch!*
So... pics are already uploaded in my fb profile !!!!
Note : We'll be hitting the beach next week ! (des, liwei, guannie, shana, ronald - time for 'bikini wear' !!! hahah love u guys!)

never thought till today

2009-11-14T07:58:00.000-08:00

NEVER THOUGHT I'D LOSE YOU TILL TODAY WHEN YOU'RE FINALLY WALKING OUT THAT DOOR. YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE AND WHAT WAS WORTH FIGHTING FOR. BUT TODAY, WHEN I REALISED THAT WE DON'T AT ALL TRUST EACH OTHER. SO WHY BOTHER?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT NO WORDS CAN EVER EXPLAIN MY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU. IT WAS JUST LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU MY HEART, IT WAS UP TO YOU TO GUARD IT AND PROTECT IT. BUT I GUESS YOU OVERDO IT. YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY HEART. BUT A PIECE IS MISSING TO COMPLETE THAT HEART. THAT PIECE, 'TRUST' CAN ONLY BE MADE NOT FOUND. UNLESS YOU MAKE THE PERFECT SHAPE THAT MATCHES THE BROKEN PART OF IT, NEVER WILL IT BE A COMPLETE ONE.
I WILL LEARN HOW TO SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU. BUT I HOPE I FAIL. CAUSE I'M A FOOLISH PERSON WHO BELIEVES THAT MIRACLES ACTUALLY DO HAPPEN.
ILOVEYOU CHUA GEEK LUN. I SAID IT ONCE; AND AIN'T AFRAID TO SAY IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE THAT I DO LOVE YOU AND IS WILLING TO GIVE UP ANYTHING FOR YOU. EVEN MY DREAMS.

WOOHOO ! 'MERDEKA' !

2009-11-12T01:07:00.000-08:00

ALRIGHT HUMANS!! those taking o lvls in the yr 09 is totally done n over with it !!
Boom, Gary, James n LP.. no more reasons to laugh at me ! my o's is soooo over ! so now, my turn to laugh at u guys cuz u guys starting college soon ! *serve u guys right for taking the june O Lvls paper!*
Anyways, right after the paper, i came hme n showered n changed.. well i had a little time to skype wif my hun; and tat was not the main point. At 5.30, went to meet des and shana at tampines for manicure! we've been dying to do it since our nails grew long n this time, mine didnt crack ! so yiipppeeee ! we wanted to go to town, but changed plans. Instead, they slack at my crib wif take-away Superdogs... we watched some ris low videos which des got enthu over and kept saying, "why was she chosen ! look at her tummy !" hahah ! If u wanna noe which video, click on this link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpHoHJ4DFIQ
Make sure u observe her tummy! cause that was wud des made shana n i do for the whole video!!
Of course, we didnt leave out the usual, GOSSIPS! did quite alot of updating n taking unglam pix of each other which i can't upload cause it definately obscene!!!!
Apart from my two babes, mum gave me prezzies to mark the end of nightmare and $$ to spend yesterday =.="" AND vacation trips!! hahah! Boyfriend's gift was my air ticket to taiwan, new clothes, a pair of nike shoes, new phone and fine dining for our anniversary which is approaching soon!! can't wait dearie!! The best part is, since o lvls is over, i can finally go home!
Can't wait to see my puppy! Bet he's all grown up!! hahaha! language lesson will officially start, ballroom dancing *when will i ever use it???*, but oh well, mum said it groom me to be a lady!! *as if i'll act like one*
Anyways, GOOD LUCK TO THOSE TAKING SPM THIS YEAR !
NOTE: Carmen & Wah Lung, you two better do well! Nag at me throughout my years in high school, now my turn to nag !! but u guys noe i love u most no matter wud! Same goes to u Chua Geek Lun; no matter it is, I'll be loving you forever :) !

Its all coming to an end

2009-11-08T03:11:00.000-08:00

3 years back when I first entered Chai Chee Secondary School (CCSS) , I couldn't wait to get out! Now that its almost over, I don't wanna leave! Not that I love this school so much, but I'm just afraid. I don't at all feel prepared to face the challenges that are ahead of me. But oh well, life still goes on and whatever may come, will come.
OH! Before I forget.. Danah is looking for people so she can form her own 'clique' !!! (Advertising pulak =.=" )
Hahahah,, my darlings in KL sure cursing me edi so 'dak chek'.. haha! I haven't forgotten you guys alright! I'll be back one day before SPM starts to give u all semangat! 17 nov booked by carmen to 'keng sam si' then from 18th nov - 24th nov booked by Danah (fren from sg), then 26th nov - 28th nov booked by mummy, 30th nov - 7th dec got some bodoh activity, 25th december reserved for the 'king' (chua geek lun) and from 6th jan - 12th jan family holiday to taiwan and the rest, is to go shopping wif jamie liew (unless she go shopping again! ), handball with lee wah lung (its a must k!! i dun care u better find one day!! not happy u beat me the last time!!), find ah sam and su (dah lama tak jumpa!!! want me to be depressed issit ), yum cha with aaron chang as promised!, go for language class, bring my bao bei (my dog) to nice nice dinner at this pet restaurant thingy, n etc.!!! fun fun fun awaits!!! :D
Heheheh! finally!! long holiday! :)

Long long time...

2009-10-19T01:49:00.000-07:00

Its a long time since I last updated huh :)
Anyways, my baby and I had cleared things up & hopefully no one or rather nothing else will come in between us. Well, don't think details need to be posted cause in short, we both mean alot to each other. After a whole year of him trying to tolerate my nonsense and the money spent only on phone calls, arguements, tears; I think it has made us so much stronger and realise that distance wasn't seen as a barrier in our relationship.
Well, before I go further, there's something which I want to say to 2 person from a school I was once in. These two had made my life much easier when I was in this particular school. We once shared a fruitful friendship.
HAPPY BELATED 17TH BIRTHDAY
SYANAS YASMEN AND IVIN TAN
I was so busy trying to prepare for my Prelim Exams and didn't realise time past so quickly and that its coming to the end of 2009...
Whatever that had happened after my Prelim 2, had made me so much stronger as a person and had taught a lesson that when it comes to choosing friends, becareful. Cause sometimes, you may not know that person; but that one person can just butt in into your life and start tearing it into pieces. Therefore, guys/girls, please do becareful when it comes to adding people into your facebook/friendster/MSN etc.
O levels is just 3 days away and yet I'm still blogging and going online. Many will be thinking, what am I thinking. Do I not care about my future? Haha. Honestly, cause till now, I don't really know what I want from myself. Lately, I've been thinking 'bout what my friend said to me. Why bother going to JC when you can still get into University even if you're taking your Diploma first.
And, true enough, I can. But again, what will my mum think? I know they are kind of supportive and so. However, I know deep down inside, Mum will always prefer me to get into a JC. What more when it comes to my grandma! I'm sorry and I don't wish to be rude. But can someone be kind enough to tell her that the world isn't just about SCIENCE???
I told her the other day, I don't want to further in Science anymore. I've been doing it since primary and I'm sick of it! and she started going all up in my grill!! Haihx... if I can, I just want to lead a simple life with a happy and healthy family. I want to further in language and literature. But I don't think anyone will ever understand that even a simple language, English can cost a fortune. People just don't give language and literature to show off their beauty do they? I've done so many things to please people. Forcing myself to stay out of the field when I know myself that I love the outdoor. Stopped ballet lessons half way just because people think it was time for me to devote all of my time to studies and strive to be the best. Change schools because people think it was best for me.
By the end of the day... what do I really get? More demands? I want to stop pleasing people and be a rebellious kid for once. How? Can someone tell me how to?
I succeed in pleasing people, being their listening ear, being a good child and a good grand-daughter. But I failed in being myself as a person.

life before n after

2009-09-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

now that he is out of my life...
what will become of me??? he was my everything... and i will love him to the very end. But sometimes, things arent as simple anymore. The longer it is, the more complicated things get. Especially when u no longer know what u want from each other.

for the last time.. step off!

2009-09-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

People... can get really irritating at times, but you know they meant no harm...
some are just bad in nature yet, they try to change
some are loving caring friends, but when you turn around, they're actually the worst XD
some are whom we call a family; those are whom we trust

FYI... my blog is no longer 'personal'... i unlocked it a couple of weeks ago and the reason I locked it was because this very person has been reading my blog all the time as if she/he has nothing to do and had complaint again and again for me to remove my post. Now I know the rules. I'm not supposed to sabotage people online. But, I did not state names when I talk about people. So when you assume its you I'm talking about....... *think again*... and if you still think its you, obviously because you've done it before right? Otherwise... why assume its you?

Well, I haven't been blogging for ages and I did not expect to blog again because, when I blog, it is when I'm really upset and I just need to let it somewhere... BLOG! So the point of me blogging today is because I want to iron out something.

1. I'm not a toy to you. Just because you're bias, it gives you no rights to mess up my personal life. I've stepped back alot and since then, you start your whole attitude again. Let me tell you this, the reason I've been much nicer to you now, its not because you sent me to 'the room' or because my friends helped you talk me into getting better. But its because of my mum. I respect my mother and for her sake, I hold on to my anger. But today, you've gone over the limit. MUCH MUCH OVER! I did not blame you for putting my BIRTHDAY PLANS on hold for a reason that was invalid, I did not blame you for trying to get my mum into 'the room' on my sister and my birthday, I did not blame you for sabotaging my chance into being a part of the Colour Party on Guides Thinking Day, I did not blame you for twisting your words in 'the room' and making me look like a rebellious child, I did not even tell the truth of what was really going on between you and I to anyone because I find it not worth at all, but imagine if what you've done to me has not been only going on between you and I... but instead, I tell someone more superior than you, what will happen??? hahahah~! You kept saying I'm stress right? I want everyone to know now why I am stress... it is all because of YOU!! Gosh...

2. My mum will be in Singapore next Wednesday. Before she arrives, I WILL NOT TALK TO YOU without her presence. And, the next time you want to talk to me, I will ensure that the class is around present without that 'boy' so that they can all be my witness. So just in case you twist your words again, I know what to do. Cause mum said, no point getting in trouble when I'm graduating this year. So whatever you say, my answer will just be these few answers, 'Okay', 'En hnn', 'Done', 'Understood'. Any personal matters like what you've asked before, will not be entertained. If you are so interested in my family, why not have tea with my mum. Or since you've called my father before, no harm calling him again and clear your doubts.

3. It wasn't only me who did not hand up homework. Hahahah... Don't ever ever ever try to take me for granted~! I can be real nice... but I can be real 'bad' if you try to put me into trouble!!!

4. I'm done with you for good~! AND FYI... I AM NOT MAD AT YOU CAUSE TO ME, YOU NEVER EXISTED!

hahahahah...
NOTE: Please do not assume the 'characters' for this post. Cause a wise one once said, 'Don't assume, cause if you do, you'll make an ASS out of U and ME :)'

Mummy, I really did mhy best not to shout or get into trouble anymore... but people aren't giving me the support... they aren't letting me change my temper. Instead, they always try to make me more mad each time. Tell me what to do...

its no longer funny...

2009-08-16T05:15:00.000-07:00

you noe... when a joke is told after some time... its no longer funny is it???
same here... its nice when u joke for the first few times and i'll sortta 'mess around' a little with u.. but if the same ol' joke keeps repeating i get tired of it.. and some times... the 'latest' joke may seem funny to u but offensive to me.. when will this speed bump be over??? its getting a little tiring... i want the old u.. not the current u..
honestly.. i've cheated on ex boyfriends n all.. but wif u.. i felt the urge to go for the better and nvr once did i try cheating on u... and now that i've changed so much for u... y cant u just do me a little favour and be just u rather than being some selfish jerk that only thinks for the benefit of urself... iloveyou.. n frankly speaking, i love u more than myself... u told me once to think b4 i speak... but y dun u do the same thing???
people hve given up advising u.. but not me.. nvr once did i thought bout giving up on u... but y r u pushing me away??? GOSH~!!!

read in chinese 'yao hao hao de ai yi ge ren zhen de shi na me nan ma??? nan dao zhe ge shi jie zhen de shi na me jue ma?'

69 days to o lvls... hope i'll get myself together ASAP... haihx.. after all these while.. my one n only aim is to prove myself better.. to prove to myself tat i'm no longer a 'cempakan' (cempakans.. try goin out to the outside world n survive in somewhere u've nvr been b4 alone.. without maids, without ur parents n only with sufficient pocket money - see if u can survive... ) the reason i came was to see how far i can go... to explore and find my real interest n talents and not to fail...

wud may come will come... pls stay strong...

sick and tired

2009-08-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

seriously, i dont know wud is going on in my life lately.. everything seems to be disappointing me in either ways... haihx..
but in either ways.. i'm actually glad high school is ending.. i'm really tired here... not physically but mentally.. its way too much for me..
n you noe wud.. all along i've been a fool.. so much for taking her as a friend.. but so much for callin her friend.. she didnt even bother asking for the cause of anything but just decides to ignore me like that.. you know what.. i dun deserve those type of treatment ya noe.. but if u wanna be that way... then fine.. who needs you... by the end of the day.. true frenz wont be treating frenz this way..
second.. ppl gotta tell me wud i deserve.. its over.. so just let it be.. let me get my cert n go on wif it... distinction and merit differs alot when u're talking bout academics.. but when ur talking bout CCA.. eff man.. i dun bloody care anymore.. so much for 'as long as i put in full effort.. i'll get wud i deserve'... bullshyt~!!! now.. all i believe in is just 'as long as u've done wud u can.. then thats it' .. that way, i feel much better... and since i'm fine with it.. y cant u just let it go?? does it even affect u?? no right.. so just drop it and let it go... haihxxxx
next... o lvls are coming up... i feel motivated to study when i look at the ppl around me holding a book.. but something keep holding me bak.. will i be disappointed with the results next yr?? if i will be.. y bother putting in more effort?? but will i regret if i dun put in my 101% effort???
i just wish you guys (carmen, woei yee, sumana, geek lun n wah lung ) are here... u guys always turn things upside down and make it right for me again.. i'm just sooooooo freekin argghhhh...
i shouldnt hve runaway should i... haihx... alil too late to turn bak now.. but i'm really sick n tired of the ppl here.. talking bout getting something u deserve and all.. fair-ness in skul, promises made.. BULLSHYT I TELL U!! just wish we were in form 1 laughing our asses off, doing prefect duties observing different people everyday, practicing dances for events, training for the sports day event, walking home after skul wif xiu wen, aaron, bryan (who always had to carry my bag) and huang bin (always had to help me take my books), being the pampered girl, bringing lunch boxes to skul sharing it with jamie (she always bring that egg salad of hers!!), or looking at yuen kaye digging in my lunch box when I didnt wanna eat it, going to pm every tuesday b4 sinfonia (horrible yet fun), adrian n xiu wen teasing me for studying so hard yet their scores still beat me in the exams, nazrin irritating me every now and then... that yr was the best in my whole skul life...

you wont know till it ends...

2009-08-02T01:48:00.000-07:00

nvr take anything for granted...
i dont know how to express my feelings now.. but all i can say is.. i miss u.. and i really love u so much i wouldnt give up on u no matter wud.. but mayb we just werent 'meant to be'... ILY..

what.........

2009-07-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

sick....lolx....certified wif anemia + low blood pressure... aint tat nice...lol!!!
but tat isnt wud i want. what i really want now....
is for my baby to be next to me n give me a warm hug n tell me 'everything's gonna be okay'
i miss u baby.....i really do...
love you much.. night

my bao bei...n my baby...

2009-07-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

olx!!unbelievable!!! more than a mnth without blogging!!!SIAO LIAO!!!!
anyways, June holidays has been long time over and my prelim (percubaan) is finishing soon too...doubt i did well this round. but there is always the next time right? and for the next time, I will make sure that I work extra hard so that I will be able to prove myself wrong and that I can do better if I want to...
anyways, I bought a puppy during June holidays and his name is Bailey (named it after an irish alcoholic drink???)...he is a shih tzu and is freekin adorable!! he never fails to make the family laugh with all his little erm...wudeva u call it...
Imagine a puppy,2 n ahalf months old covering his own pee with his own body just to prevent getting whacked by mum!!!hahah!! or eating his own shit (GROSS!!!)... and just for the sake of entertaining my sis... he jumps of the dining area n chase my sis round the tv area and get himself... whereas he dun usually dare jump off!!
and.. he is a pig!!!i noe i said he's a puppy n no doubt he is a puppy..but he has the charcteristics of a pig.. eating n sleeping is his fav!!! not to mention he sleeps like a normal human being... goodness...i can go on n on n on n on n on bout my puppy... but yeah.. he's my bao bei... i bought him wif my savings n gave up a D90 (camera model) for him!!!
and...my baby(bf la)... he is another loveeedddd one by me... hey said he'll try his best to get me my own area for my 18th bday at ZOUK in KL!!! list of people invited...will be updated only ASAP.. but the venue..not sure yet alright..n if i really hve in zouk... pls note..u still hve to be at least 18.. alright???but the people invited should be bout the same as last yr... :)
neways...
currently missing:
1.mum (she is just so funny lately)
2.sis,dad,k ma, grandma/grandpa/whole family
3.baby & bao bei (yup..baby.. ur threatened by my puppy!! :P)
4.carmen
5.su/woei yee/jamie/wah lung/aaron/anyone in kl who r my frenz n u noe who u r :)
6.pooh bear/eeyore/NDP kiddos except for buffalo
7.NON OTHER THAN MY BRAVO NC PEOPLE!! THEY ARE THE BOMB!!

peace out n loves :)

my days are bak to normal...

2009-06-05T20:09:00.000-07:00

one week seemed as if i just lived for a day!!!T.T...
anyways, he has gone home and i'm still sick...
freeking nose thing just wont hurt any less... :(... n now... to make things worst.. i'm having fever!!!
Mother Tongue paper is over so i'm glad that now i only have to focus on 6 subjects instead of 7... even just 6.. i'm not sure if i'll score... haihx....
time to clean my room!!!

fina...baby...

2009-05-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

fina hving MT o levels paper tmr n she couldnt focus!!!
GOSSSSSHHHH!!! anyways.... Good luck to all who are taking MT paper tmr!!!
Now...hve to eat then sleep... then tmr only can focus... its like another 20 hrs to MT paper!!!!
:(!!!!
feel like crying.. hvnt studied for major exams ever since.. 5 yrs ago!!! T.T!!!

neways... will be blogging bout desiree's sweet 16 after MT paper k... till then... love u all!!
GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS :)

2009-05-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6EYrqIn0yI
Check tat out!! m fren pai ying sent me that link!! i was super amazed aitezzz!!

Anyways... execution gonna be carried out soon... n pls la... execution for o lvls coursework k!! hahah!!!i'm so gonna miss high skul...hahah!!!jk ppl!!

2 more days to see my baby!!muax!!

F&N

2009-05-20T01:50:00.000-07:00

fuck this mother fuckin subject man!! if i didnt need my certificate to further my studies to a higher level... i would hve just ignored her fuckin ass n leave!!! who the fuck she think she is... tryin to penalise me because my mum 'helped' me... for your information ma'amselle... she failed science... how does she noe wuds going on...
n additional info.. i plan my family's meal... how can my mum noe so much when she didnt even get a C for her science?!?! brains... so much for callin urself our teacher... our 'guide'...
i look up upon teachers who are great... but not for u and i feel sry for it... but on the other side... no... i sometimes feel as if i owe u an apology... but each time i'm bak to normal... u jsut stir up my anger... is this wud u call a relationship with ur students??? i pity ur child... for real...
to all juniors out there... thinkin bout takin f&n... one advise... unless u got ms jem *who is a cool teacher* otherwise... dun bother... take d&t... can even use it as one of the 2 relative subjects if u wanna enter poly!!!

I've suffered enuf here mummy... i wanna go home....

lost?confused?IDK

2009-05-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

Seriously feeling lost now...

Everyday I wake up eyes wide open but somehow I feel as if I was still sleeping!!! haihxxxx... getting more n more moody at skul... tell me why is this all happening??? i've worked so hard to get bak on track n in less than a week... everything just slip off my hands just like that!!!.... what is wrong??? what went wrong???

Looking at pictures of the past really reminds me of thise good times i had when i didnt have to worry anything... hahah!! after skul then it would be fun with my cousins!! the maids will set up the water slides... the jaccuzi will be filled with bubbles!!! those were the days i wanted... days when i didnt have to go to do homework... just because its kindergarten!!!! days when u get 100% for ur exam papers cause its just colouring!!!

Now... not even to mention maid!!! i dun even hve my mum by me!!! she's just somehow near... yet far... i miss home... i wanna go home... but there's something just holding me behind here... wud is this thing??? do u noe how frustrating it is to wake up n not noe wud u wanna do for the day???

i just wanna go home... mayb he's right... sometimes its not about just winning the battle... but its doing something u really love... i mean... so wud if i graduate here... work my ass off get into NUS and be a top student or wudsoeva??? will he notice me?? does he even still remember me?? hello!!!???

Instead of working so hard... i actually have the option to just do average for my o lvls... get into nottingham; live with the people i love; enjoy my life... going shopping with my babies everyday!! isnt that better??? above it all... i can still graduate n be an honor student??? isnt that much more perfect than the perfect *if u noe wud i mean*...

I'm just a lost soul trying to find my way home...